…my head is a bit screwed up right now.
I have always had a drive to help people. I always wanted to do what I could to stop people feeling the pain that I felt.
But the reality was I was never very good at it. I was very closed off to protect myself and I didn’t have the techniques and skills to help myself let alone anyone else.
Then I came across Cognitive Hypnotherapy and my life was transformed. From that very first session with Trevor I could see not only how it was helping me but that I really wanted to learn it so I could help others.
And so I did.
And it has been amazing. This massive hidden approach that can transform lives so effectively and so rapidly.
I wanted everyone to know about it so I put what I’d been through in a book to try and reach as many as possible and I embarked on a mission to get out there and use my story to let people know what’s possible.
And the further down my journey I went, the easier it became to share details of my past. To share the story that I had held back on because the journey is what counts.
But I recognised some people need the details of what you have overcome – not just how you have overcome it.
So then I looked for ways to connect with volunteering organisations to offer hands on help.
I started planning how I could do talks and maybe even ultimately TED talks – all to get the message out there “Nothing needs to be the way it’s always been”. There is an option.
Yesterday I went to meet with the board of governor's of a local women’s rape and sexual abuse charity. This was an opportunity to combine my business skills with my therapy and my background.
I talked through why I felt I wanted to be involved.
It was not an easy conversation. The women were lovely and attentive. It wasn’t about them, it was about me. I gave them copies of my book so they could understand what was possible and they will put a copy in their library.
We’re not sure how we will progress now – I will wait to hear from them.
But meanwhile I had a bit of a problem.
Because talking about my story is not good for me. It put me in such a dark place of self loathing and despair.
A place I don’t go anywhere near these days in my new shiny happy life.
And is this the way of it? If I try and share my story is this what is going to happen every time? I thought I was over this. I thought the demons of my past were laid to rest.
Yes, I have a bunch of stuff stirred up with my father that I am seeing Trevor about in a couple of weeks but to use a cliché, life is a journey not a destination. Where I am now is totally different to where I was 2 years ago.
Does this mean that my vision of being able to use my story and my skills and experience to help as many people as possible is not going to happen because every time I talk about it I sink? In June I am talking to a bunch of schoolgirls. It’s a motivational talk to show that whatever your past you can still be successful in life. It won’t be as intense as the one yesterday so I guess I’ll see how this one affects me and take it from there.