The Moiderer

Day 2 of my course

Today was day 2 of the first weekend of my Diploma in Cognitive Hypnotherapy. as you know, yesterday was a fab day.

This is a truly brilliant course.

Already I have come away with 2 techniques not only that I *can* use but that I must use to practice. Both have a physical element to them so I will need to practice on my hubby and friends (watch out people) but both have the potential to help them for the better.

In addition I have learnt a lot of practical stuff about how to read people that will allow me to establish a better rapport with clients and ensure that the work I do has the most chance of success. I also need to practice this but that can be done by watching the Xfactor or Jeremy Kyle!

I guess my biggest concern was always the practical aspects of the course. Where we practice on each other. The practical stuff that we have done this weekend involved getting into either pairs or groups for 3 and trying what we had learned out.

On the one hand it's really great stuff. I love getting a chance to practice and knowing that all you can do is good. A number of people will have come away from the weekend with their lives improved. Trevor also has assistants helping and he demo's things on them first. They are also are getting free therapy out of it!

On the other hand i feel like a total muppet. I have made a pact with myself that I will give this course my all. I will not resist being involved in anything. Besides, my groupwork partner also needs to practice and it's not fair on them if I am a pain in the bum.

So the first exercise today was about reading the clues we get from body language, particularly facial features. We had to study our partner thinking of a thing or person they like and then a thing or person they disliked. After a few times, they did it 3 times without telling us which they were thinking and we had to guess. I guessed my partner easily, mainly because she smiled when she was thinking the good thing!

As part of my commitment to myself to fully participate, I made sure I chose strong likes and dislikes. Bad bad choice. Firstly it was decided by my partner and the assistant we called over to help, that I have a perfect poker face. They just couldn't tell! Secondly I now had a pretty horrible image in my head for the rest of the morning. doh!

Later we did a technique called anchoring which allows you to recall a happy or positive frame of mind by, in effect, programming a pressure point. Again I was a muppet. It depends on having that state in our head to create the anchor. I struggled to find the state I wanted to anchor but struggled even more to recall an occasion where I felt like that. In the end we just chose a particular feeling - how excited I get when I'm learning - and anchored that. It didn't work very well.

Finally we did a technique that allows you to reprogramme someone to stop a particular behaviour they don't want to do any more - like eating crisps - and replace it with something else that you would like to do. I couldn't think of anything. I am sure I have bad habits galore but this afternoon I couldn't think of anything. So unfortunately we had to call an assistant over for my poor partner to practice on again.

oh we also learnt the headache cure which is inadvertently the same as the pain cure I used on my husband when he had a cramp pain in his leg. Result. I know already how well it works on pain. In month 4 we learn even more healing stuff which I'm really excited about.

At the end, Trevor put all 40+ of us in a light hypnotic trance to help us absorb what we'd learnt over the weekend. Bizarre but very successful :)

So I guess on paper today has been equally brilliant and I am excited to try out this stuff soon. However I am feeling particularly flat and useless right now.

I am now sitting in London City airport waiting for a flight home. I have tomorrow afternoon off to give the hubby a break. i will take the little one to school but won't be able to pick her up due to my numpty boss scheduling a horrible call at 11. Ah well, after the call I will take the little one to McDonalds for lunch and then for a swim to make up for not being around this weekend.

Wow! Awesome day

Well this is just a short post to tell you about my day. Short mainly because the app for the iPad is so pants.

Today was the first day of my 10 month, 1 weekend a month course. My diploma in Cognitive Hypnotherapy that is taught by Trevor who is once more going to be responsible for changing my life.

I was quite nervous because the course is in London and the act of getting to the 1st day and starting the course had a huge amount of unknown's. Plus being in a room full of people I don't know and socialising takes a huge effort from me.

But once that bit was over, and it went smoothly, the course was amazing. Trevor is a funny and engaging trainer. Whilst I was familiar with what we covered today, we did a few bits of group work that gave me a chance to practice stuff which was really interesting. We put each other in hypnotic trances and did some "face reading".

Apparently tomorrow we learn a simple cure for headaches. So right from day 1 I am learning things to help others. And after all, that is why I'm on the course in the first place so I'm mega excited.

I was supposed to stay with a friend in Watford but she cancelled last minute so I changed plans to stay 2 nights in the hotel. I'm really glad her plans changed because it forced me to think about what to do with my Saturday night without having the time to chicken out of anything!

So I spoke to Sandra who runs Thinking Slimmer, and lives down here, and asked her if she'd like to see a show with me.

Luckily she was free and agreed and I got tickets on lastminute.com for £10 to see Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

I can not describe to you how totally awesome this show is. Very funny and great music, and if you have watched the film they even managed to replicate the ping pong scene which impressed me! It finishes in December so if you get the chance to go and see it you really should.

The hubby had a relatively uneventful day with the little one despite a 5am start by her.

All in all I have had one of the most awesome days I've ever had today. Why ever? Because the new Dawn loves having funny and being happy and is able to appreciate these things in a way I never could before.

Thinking Slimmer–23 weeks

Well this has been an interesting week. I ended last week with a rotten cold. So bad that I couldn’t even attempt a short run on Sunday let along a big one.

So on Monday I set off for a run after 3 days off.

And this happened

 

 

 

 

 

 

The left picture is my left foot and the right is my right foot. They were taken last night.

I stepped out of the house to go for a run on Monday and went over on my ankle.

About 10 years ago I went over on it very badly playing squash. It took about 6 months to recover. I probably should have gone to A&E but instead I drove home and travelled to Dublin with work the next day.

Now, every 2-3 years it just goes over. It’s not to do with standing on or in anything, it just goes. And it really hurts. I was lucky it didn’t happen on one of my long runs!

I hobbled back in and sat with my foot up all day. It was pure agony to even move my toes.

By Tuesday I could hobble around again but concentrated on resting it. By Thursday I decided to go for a walk because I desperately needed exercise. I found when I got out that it was ok so I did a short 1.2 mile run. I did the same today. It’s still sore but I can walk fine.

But Thinking Slimmer doesn’t need me to exercise to keep working. I just carried on listening to my Slimpod and the weight kept on coming off. I lost a pound last week and so far another this week. That’s pretty good for nearly 6 months in. More importantly, I can tell I am losing weight because clothes continue to get looser. I think it is safe to say that at this stage my eating habits have permanently changed.

Here is me, ready for work in the few remaining clothes I have that fit. All the rest are now in the charity shop!

Current status – WEIGHT

Target: Start point for 'healthy' weight is 11st6lbs

Start weight after 2 weeks :15st 11lbs

Weight after 23 weeks (21 weeks of measuring weight loss): 12st 5lbs

Total weight loss so far: 3st 6lb

Current status – SIZE:

Target: Between size 10 and 12

Starting size: 20/22 (don't tell anyone will you I am really in denial on this!)

Size after 23 weeks: 14

*you can read my whole journey on Thinking Slimmer by clicking the Thinking Slimmer link at the top of the page*

The A-Z of me

It’s a very long time since I’ve done a meme. But I have been tagged on this one a couple of times and it’s a bit of fun so let’s go for it.

This is a response to  to a tag from The Wonderful World of MishMash

ANORAK…Do you have a sad side?
Erm if this is geeky sad then I am very sad. I describe phones and laptops as sexy and regularly buy new ones. If it’s emotional sad then I get sad when people I care about are sad.

 

BODY…What physical attribute would you most like to change?

hmm I really don’t have anything specific. I have a mole on my nose that my glasses cover. Would be nice to be rid of it

 

CELEBRITY…Which one would you most like to date and why?

George Clooney. Seems like a nice guy *ahem*. If it is was just one date I would love to have dinner with Richard Branson. I find him fascinating.

 

DEBUT …Tell us about your first ever blog post. What made you start blogging?

I’ve been blogging for years – well before it was ‘big’. I started blogging to keep a diary when I was travelling all over the world with work. It allowed me to share my experiences with my hubby when I abandoned him at home all the time. Now it is a diary of my family life that I expect the little one to look back on when she’s older. I use  it to track my life journeys too and find it fascinating to look back and see where I’ve come from.

 

ERROR …What’s been your biggest regret?

I don’t believe in regrets. 

 

FUNNY – who’s making you laugh?

My daughter. She is the funniest person I know. There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t do something or say something that makes me laugh out loud. Not bad for a 3 year old.

 

GRAND…If we gave you one right now what would you spend it on?

I would put it in my account to recover all the spending I have done on this course I’m starting.

 

HOLIDAY… What’s your favourite destination?

Hmm – been so many places it’s really hard to pick. Chicago is lovely. Egypt has lovely people.

 

IRRITATE… What’s your most annoying habit?

You have to ask the hubby

 

JOKER…Whats your favourite joke {the one that makes you laugh everytime you hear it}?

I can only remember 1 joke at a time. Here it is. A museum commissioned a local young artist to commemorate Custer’s last stand by doing a painting of Custer’s last thought. After months the painting was unveiled. A beautiful blue lake was in the foreground with a fish leaping out of it, with a halo on its head! Surrounding the lake were majestic snow covered mountains. Between the mountains and the lake were naked Indians having sex (what is this going to do for my blog searches??!!). The curator of the museum spluttered in surprise and demanded an explanation. He explained: If I was Custer, I would think “Holy mackerel, where’d all those f**ing Indians come from!”

 

KENNEL… Do you have any pets?

A 6 month old kitten called Spud and a 14 year old cat called Mort

 

LOVE…Are you single, married, engaged, living with a long term partner? Forever married to the best guy ever

 

MEAL… Whats your ultimate starter, main and dessert?

Erm…starter: fresh bread dipped in balsamic and olive oil, Main: cottage pie Pudding: Ben & Jerry’s Choc Fudge brownie ice cream

 

NOW…If you could be anywhere right now where would you be and who with?

Right here and right now

 

OFF DUTY…What do you do in your spare time?

If not looking after the little one I will play on the xbox, or watch TV or read.

 

PROUD MOMENTS …What are you most proud of?

My daughter makes me proud every day. I was proud of Adam fighting so hard and I was very proud when the little one was born. I am proud of my hubby for doing so well at University when we first met and well at work after. I am proud of how wonderful and funny he is.

 

QUEASY …What turns your stomach?

Maggots

 

RELAX…How do you relax?

No idea. I sort of do by running. I read. I watch TV.

 

SONG…Whats your favourite song of all time?

No idea!

TIME …If you could go back in time and relive it again, when would you choose?

Tricky one because it ties into the regrets thing. Also I am in the best place in my life right now. Maybe I would go back to when I was a consultant travelling a lot and appreciate the place I went more and be nice to my poor abandoned hubby.

 

UNKNOWN…Tell us something about yourself that no one else knows?

Noone else? well that’s a bit tough. Did you realise I am Welsh and grew up on Anglesey? At one point I could speak it fluently but am a bit rusty now. Oh and I’ve written a book on Callcentres!

 

VOCAL…. Who is your favourite artist?

Oh god, no idea. I like too many

 

WORK….. What is your dream job, and are you doing it now?

I am training to be a Cognitive Hypnotherapist. I strongly suspect this will be my dream job!

 

XRAY…Any broken bones?

I dislocated my collar bone when I was very young. I broke my little toe about 10 years ago. That was hugely painful!

 

YIKES…What’s been your most embarrassing moment?

No idea. I regard many things as embarrassing that may not appear that way to others

 

ZOO…. If you were an animal, which one would you be?

Cat. They have an easy life and are usually very much loved.

 

If you are a subscriber to this blog and want a tag, let me know

It’s this weekend!

After a couple of months of preparation the time has come.

Tomorrow evening I fly to London for the first weekend of my Diploma in Cognitive Hypnotherapy at the Quest Institute

1 weekend a month for 10 months starts this weekend. At the end I will be a qualified Cognitive Hypnotherapist. Wow.

I have been preparing. I have flights booked until the last weekend. I nearly have hotels booked but must get a couple done for the June/July times because that will overlap with the Olympics!

I have my new iPad 2. I have a lovely new bag that I can fit everything in but that isn’t too big, thanks to a birthday present from Julie. I have new boots for all the walking I will do to and from the course.

I am so excited. I love learning and and I have been fascinated by this stuff since Trevor started helping me. I really enjoyed my Wordweaving course (I passed the certification by the way whoop!) mainly because Trevor is an excellent trainer.

This is the way forward. I believe its use is limitless and I can’t wait to start applying my knowledge and helping people. I have already done a little of it when I helped the hubby get rid of the pain from a bad leg cramp. I did it and it worked. I got such a buzz.

It is not easy. The hubby will have 2 days with the little one on his own – and two weekend days at that. Because of the flights he will have to do 3 bedtimes (which I usually do) although only 2 nights. He is dreading it. But it’s only 10 times and hopefully my friends will be rallying round and helping a bit.

This weekend had a little glitch when the friend I was due to stay with on Saturday night couldn’t make it last minute. But that’s ok, I booked a hotel room and have used the opportunity to take in a show. Sandra and I are going to see “Priscilla queen of the desert”!!! (thank you for being available Sandra). Even better, I’ve managed to get us tickets for a mere £10 each.

So now, as you can imagine, my level of excitement is off the scale!

I have an ongoing worry about the impact of weather on my flights – but Trevor assures me we will find a way to work around it.

Excited? muchly!

The battle of man vs food

There is a programme on one of the Sky food channels called Man vs Food.

I love this programme.

Basically, this guy, Adam, goes around America taking on challenges to eat the biggest plates of food. Things like burgers, hotdogs and even soups are laid before him in huge mountains. As he eats until he practically bursts, I drool over the delicious food that he is scoffing.

I love food. I love the taste of it. I love the freedom of being able to eat it.

When I was a young child, food was not readily available. Not because we were poor but because my parents couldn’t be bothered. My brother and I were far from their top priority and so the only place we were guaranteed of getting a solid meal was at school. And boy, did we make the most of that. We would have second and third helpings every day but remained extremely thin until later when we went to live with my mother.

As a result, food has a really special place in my life.

I remember all events from the early part of my life based on the food I had.

• One day, before school, my father made us breakfast. He never usually did this. We had Weetabix and as I remember we somehow got two lots. We both kept very quiet about it but because it was so unusual, when I got to school I was really sick. They wanted to send me home but I refused to go. I was sick in the sink in our classroom so I did not need to go home to get changed. I still thought it was great that we got 2 lots of breakfast though
• At Christmas we would sometimes get a segment or two of a Satsuma. I used to suck all the flesh out of it and then chew on the remaining skin for hours like it was chewing gum. It always made it feel like I was getting a lot more food that way! My hubby always laughs at me and says I should write a book on “the correct way to eat stuff” because I have technique for eating everything
• Once, before we were due to be picked up by my mother and her husband for a school holiday custody visit, my stepmother came up to us playing outside and gave us each a wagon wheel. I had not had one before and found it really nice – but I think it was stale. It tasted stale – but hey, food was food so I scoffed it anyway
• One Easter my brother and I were sat together at the far end of the land around our house. Normally this area was out of bounds and certainly the area beyond it was so I have no idea why we were there. It was evening and I recall that we were sent up there for some reason. We had been huddled there sheltering behind a mound of grass to escape a nippy breeze, when my stepmother appeared. In her hand she had two of those mini-Easter eggs that are covered in a foil with a face painted on it and smarties inside. We were, to say the least, shocked (and delighted) I still have no idea what we were doing there but I definitely remember the Easter eggs!
• When I was a little older we took a trip to the park with my parents and grandparents. I found a £5 note on the ground. This was unusual because it was my brother that was the lucky one. Anyway, I bought everyone an ice cream with the money…but the top fell off mine…

As I grew older and got some control over what I could eat, I naturally put on a load of weight. I could eat whatever I wanted to and that is exactly what I did. I loved food and still do.

When I was having a particularly hard time, I stopped eating. That was the only control I had. When I was suffering from stress, the physical symptoms showed themselves in my stomach and I was sick every morning when I tried to go to school (cue the morning sickness jokes from everyone of course!)

By the time I went to Uni I had been ill for a couple of years and lost a lot of weight. At Uni I was fine. The sickness disappeared and I started playing squash, sometimes a few times a day. At that point I was around a size 10 and the healthiest I have ever been.

I learnt that I could eat what I wanted as long as I exercised enough to balance it out.

Since then, all through my life, my weight has been a challenge due to not being able to keep up the level of exercise that cancels out my eating.

To diet for me is punishing myself. To deprive myself of food is like taking me back to my childhood where I had no choice. At the same time, I never learnt how to regulate my intake of food because I was always so limited on what was available. When I was young, I rarely had the opportunity to eat until I was full.

When I started Thinking Slimmer, I was sure it wouldn’t work for me for all of these reasons.

But for me, it is the perfect solution. It has tapped into my unconscious and allowed me to understand those signals that tell me I’m full before I eat so much that I could explode. It has activated my unconscious so I don’t need to snack and constantly prove that I can eat now.

I have now got a far more natural approach to food consumption and I don’t have to deprive myself to achieve a balanced weight. I can still eat the food I like but I don’t want to eat too much of it.

I don’t believe there is any other solution out there that would have worked like this for me.

Thinking Slimmer has allowed me to be normal.

The Gallery–Faces

Well this was too easy. I am going to bore you with the beautiful faces of the little one.

This was all put together for this weeks gallery over at sticky fingers where the subject is "Faces"

Gluten Free Coconut Shortbread

I bought some cookie cutters from HobbyCraft so wanted to make some biscuits that I could use them on. I was given a link for this gluten free recipe from @mustntgumble on Twitter. She has the recipe on her blog full of fab GF recipes

This is the recipe on her site but I have listed it here for simplicity.

Note that this recipe will work just as well with normal non-gf flour

Ingredients (makes a small amount for about 6 biscuits)

50g butter (cubed, at room temperature)
30g caster sugar
75g gluten free plain flour (sifted)

20g desiccated coconut, plus extra for rolling

Recipe

Cream the sugar and butter together

Add the flour and coconut and squish until you have a cookie dough

It made a nice consistency of dough for using our new cookie cutters from Hobbycraft (angel, star, hippo, teddy bear, flower, circle thing)

Then bung it in the oven at about 180 for 10-ish minutes. When you take them out, leave to cool for a few minutes before turning out onto a wire tray

They were a huge hit with the little one and the hubby!

Looking forward not backwards

As you know, I had my last session with Trevor about a month ago.

It was kind of a ‘mop up’ session but one of the things we discussed was the fact that whilst I no longer hate myself, I still am failing to see myself in the positive.

I can say “I am not…”

But I can’t say “I am…”

So the recording Trevor did for me from session 3 focussed on helping my unconscious focus on the good things I have achieved.

For whatever reason, unlike all other tracks that I have had from Trevor including the Thinking Slimmer ones, this one just didn’t seem to take hold. Rather than my residual thoughts being positive (you know the ones, when your head is not occupied by something else, these are the ones that bounce around your head randomly!) it seems I have been finding even more reasons to feel pants about myself.

And it’s a habit of a lifetime that is very hard to break. Despite feeling good and positive about life. Despite appreciating the moments. Despite looking ahead to my future and actually planning for the first time ever what I want to do next.

But here’s the thing, I am at a point now where I should be able to manage this through myself. I have read around. I have experienced. I may not start my course until this weekend (oooohhhhh exciting!) but I know enough now to recognise what triggers these thoughts, why I think them and how I can move on from them. So I have done a list in an attempt to move forward.

So that’s my list.

It was interesting to write. Because it was a struggle to find the things under the “I am not…” category. Maybe I should add “I am not good at seeing what is right in front of me!”

From the depths of despair

Last week, I found out that my hairdresser had killed herself.

She was a mobile hairdresser, loud, colourful and full of life. You didn’t need to worry about making conversation because you never got a word in edgeways anyway.

Circumstances of her life had become too much for her to bear. She had no kids so no dependents other than her much loved cats.

She took herself off, without fuss, to a hotel and did it there.

She left notes and instructions on what to do at her funeral.

And you know what? I respect her choice and the way she did it.

I know what it’s like. For me, I used to hold the thought of suicide in my head so I always knew I had a way out. If the pain of what was in my head got too much to handle, I knew I could kill myself.

I also knew I never would.

I don’t know why. I seem to have an innate survival mechanism. I keep on trying to improve. I keep on surviving. Despite what my head appears to tell me.

And of course, since I have been helped by Trevor it is no longer a problem because I no longer have to ignore the pain because the pain is gone. I am no longer surviving, I am living these days.

But I still remember. And I still totally understand.

I don’t believe you should attempt suicide as a cry for help.

I don’t believe you should do it in a way that causes risk to others.

I don’t believe you should do it when you have dependents like kids because that’s when all selfishness (no matter how much pain you are in) should go out of the window. It is never better to leave your kids in that way.

But I do believe that you should have the right to end your life if you wish to.

And this may be a very contentious opinion to express. I am not religious so not burdened by those considerations. If you are very lucky, it may be a concept that you just can’t grasp. But some of you will nod knowingly and agree.

It is not always better to choose to live. In my opinion.

So I respect her choice and I am glad that I no longer have to feel like that. I am glad that my life is wonderful and I don’t have to visit those depths of despair any more. I am glad I have other ways of coping these days than clinging to the thought that there is always a way out. I’m glad that through her actions I can see how far I’ve come in the last 6 months.

I’m sorry that she couldn’t find another way out…

…and now I’m going to have to find another hairdresser!