The Moiderer

Marathon week 9–a half marathon!

Oh my this was another super interesting week. Let me see, where to start?

We could start with my intervals being really really tough but going ok none the less

I did 8 one minute sprints with a 90 second jog in between (ignore split 1 and 18 because they are warm up and cooldown ).I know that wasn’t the plan but it’s a way that works for me.

I did my 45 minute recovery run down the path before work. I love the fact that it’s getting light enough to do that now. It amused me to think that before my marathon training I would have counted this as a long run! This was 3.68 miles and it went well apart from losing my phone along the path and not realising until I got home! Luckily it wasn’t raining and I found it on the first leg of the path.

Next I went to the sports shop at my gym and spoke to them about a Gait analysis. She did it a totally different way. First I got barefoot (that’s another demon put to rest) and then walked up and down. She spotted straight away my dodgy ankle and which one it was!

Then she had me stand on one leg and bend at the knee to see which way my leg bent.

Then she lifted my toes.

In conclusion I have pretty neutral feet with high arches and should not get too rigid a shoe because of that. That will be why my previous Saucony trainers aren’t working for me and why my cheaper off the shelf ones are fine. She suggested I don’t change anything this close to the marathon. If anything just get another pair of the ones that work for me and after the marathon I can always go in and get some new ones.

This made a lot of sense to me because I don’t get any aches and pains from the trainers I use either for running on the treadmill or outside (I have separate pairs) so I was very happy.

Then today was a 2 hour 15 minute run on my schedule. I had arranged to take the little one over to my friends house and run from there. She is right on the Fife Coastal trail so it was perfect.

At the same time Becca and Darin were running the Brighton half marathon – so I was secretly hoping my time would get me close to 13 miles!

It was a gorgeous day and I ran through Tentsmuir forest so it was totally off road which was lovely.

I started from the top left and headed as you can see on the map along the red line to the right. When my iPod Nike+ told me I was half way through, I turned round and headed back the way I’d come.

Then a couple of things happened. My knee started twinging painfully like it was going to give. I had to walk more than I would have wanted until I found a strange gait that kind of work. This all happened about 1 hour into the run. As it was in the forest there was no option to hop on a bus!

Then you can see I headed to the bottom left. I totally missed my turn home! When I realised I doubled back and took a wrong turn down a dead end again! Then I doubled back again and found the route home which was the left hand leg of the rectangle. By the time I’d realised my mistake, I had run 11 miles and my 2 hours 15 minutes was up.

As my knee was duff I started walking.

I eventually got home in 3 hours and 7 minutes which my Garmin watch said was 13.2 miles and my Nike+ iPod thingy said was 14.9 miles. I walked for about 45 minutes of that.

So there you go. I ran a half marathon today –ish!

Although the last 30 minutes were hell and I could barely walk, right now, a few hours later I feel ok actually. I’m sure I’ll be sore tomorrow but I’m happy that my feet aren’t sore and blistered. I just need to sort my knee!

So here is my summary for the week

If you want to guess my time you can below and it would also be really nice if you made a small donation at the same time by visiting my BT MyDonate page (I have chosen this method of fundraising because they don’t take any sort of admin fee which I like). I won’t be constantly plugging for a donation because I know money is tight. I only want you to give to this cause if you can afford it. There will be a link with every marathon post I do – as well as a link to guess my time. Here are the guesses so far

4 hours 45 minutes

4 hours 52 minutes

5hrs 20min

5:25:00

3h 50m

5hrs 5mins 5secs.

4 hours 56 minutes

6 1/2 hours

4 hours 24 minutes

Five hours seventeen minutes twenty two seconds!

4.47

5:25:00

If you want to guess my time and donate then either leave a comment with your guess (and I will fill in the survey), or fill in the survey below. I will try and think of a nice prize for the winning guess too!

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Saturday Snapshots

A few weeks ago, the little one went to Josh’s house for a playdate. Today we organised for him to come here after we’d been swimming.

As usual these days we had a great swim. The little one now hangs on to the side unsupported by me and kicks and splashes her legs. We’re getting there.

As usual I was heartened by how well she plays with other kids in the soft play area after her swim

Before we even got to Josh’s house she was asleep in the car!

The coast at Arbroath was lovely as ever

The snowdrops have come out. It’s now light enough for me to run before work and still light when I finish work. I love this

Then they played in the house for a while

Then we went to town to introduce Josh and his mum to Starbucks

There was fun on the rides

And then there was huge fun with the hand dryers in the toilets!

And a run around on the steps

All in all we had a great day together.

Day 1 of 5 days off

Today we went to the park with the little one’s friends from school, they came back here to play and then we went to the cinema. She fell asleep on the way back from the cinema and I’ve just put her to bed at 6pm (usual bedtime is 7pm!)

There were big hugs when they met up

The boys came back to our house for lunch and a play. When they left we went to the cinema to see the Muppets. The little one was so tired she started whining 3/4 of the way through. So we left. And then she fell asleep

She stayed asleep for an hour or so. Didn’t want any dinner and went to bed at 6pm! What a day!

The Marathon–Frustration

Look how lovely my friends are! In the space of a week I have already raised £193 (£241 with gift aid) for the Samatha Dickinson Brain Tumour Trust.

I count myself very lucky that in these tough times people are still supporting me in this way.

And my commitment as a result is to not let anyone down, least of all myself, and complete all my training to do my best to prepare for the London Marathon a mere 65 days away on the 22nd April.

This morning I went out along the path to do my mid-week 45 minute recovery run. This is a run time and distance that would have been classed as my “long run” before Xmas and yet today it was a gentle run before work. That is how good my training plan is. It is preparing me so well for the marathon and so I am sticking to every single step to the very best of my ability.

And that is where I am getting frustrated. I am so fortunate in the level of support that has been provided to me by Nestlé Pure Life. I have kit, a full training plan through Full Potential, loads of information and support and I couldn’t be luckier.

But I can’t make the training days.

The special days that they have set up to help you learn to pace your run, learn about nutrition and hydration, learn how the big day will work in practice, do the cool Adidas footscan to find the best trainers and just countless other aspects of support, preparation and reassurance.

I can’t make them because of work, family and my course.

And quite frankly I feel really guilty about it. I am being given an opportunity that so many people would love and I can’t make the most of it.

All I can do is follow my training plan, raise money for my charity and turn up on the day and do the run. I know that’s a lot, but right now I feel bad that it isn’t enough.

If you want to guess my time you can below and it would also be really nice if you made a small donation at the same time by visiting my BT MyDonate page (I have chosen this method of fundraising because they don’t take any sort of admin fee which I like). I won’t be constantly plugging for a donation because I know money is tight. I only want you to give to this cause if you can afford it. There will be a link with every marathon post I do – as well as a link to guess my time.

If you want to guess my time and donate then either leave a comment with your guess (and I will fill in the survey), or fill in the survey below. I will try and think of a nice prize for the winning guess too!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

The Gallery–an embarrassing outfit

This might be me.

This photo does not make it easy to see does it.

Is this outfit embarrassing? I think so!

This was all put together for this weeks gallery over at sticky fingers where the subject is "An Embarrassing outfit"

Quantum leap and me

I used to love Quantum Leap the TV series. This is the Wiki write up

Quantum Leap is an American television series that was broadcast on NBC from March 26, 1989 to May 5, 1993, for a total of five seasons. The series was created by Donald Bellisario, and starred Scott Bakula as Dr. Sam Beckett, a physicist from six years in the future (during the series' original run) who becomes lost in time following a time travel experiment, temporarily taking the places of other people to "put right what once went wrong". Dean Stockwell co-starred as Al Calavicci, Sam's womanizing, cigar-smoking sidekick and best friend, who appeared as a hologram that only Sam, animals, and young children could see and hear.The series featured a mix of comedy, drama and melodrama, social commentary, nostalgia and science fiction, which won it a broad range of fans. One of its trademarks is that at the end of each episode, Sam "leaps" into the setting for the next episode, usually uttering a dismayed "Oh, boy!"

It occurred to me, as I have struggled since meeting with my brother, that it is awfully like a Quantum Leap scenario.

In the programme, Sam, the main character gets dragged back through time and finds himself in a scenario in someone else’s body. It takes him a while to work out who he is. He then has to become that person whilst using his own innate skills to solve their problem so he can leap back out of their body again.

I thought I had reached a point in my personal journey where I was pretty much sorted.

I feel happy, confident and in control. I look at each day and each week with optimism. I enjoy my life and sharing it with the people around me. On Saturday, as I sat giggling at Trevor as he taught the course I realised that I was looking at him almost as a stranger. He was the bloke teaching the course and not so much the bloke that helped me change my life. It was actually quite bizarre!

Then on Saturday night I met with my brother. I paid for a taxi to bring him to my hotel and to take him back home again.

I stayed up until 1:30am talking to him. I was trying to work out if I could help and I realised I couldn’t. Maybe someone else can but not me. He told me about all his troubles.He told me how he’d tried to kill himself and put his affairs in order, written a will etc. Apparently I was named in it but what he has that I’d want I have no idea! He told me how he didn’t plan on living much beyond the next 2-3 years. He told me that he was chilled and contented right now and then without realising it shared with me that it clearly wasn’t true.

I talked to him about Cognitive Hypnotherapy. He said he understood how it worked but it wouldn’t work on him. But I could tell he would like it to. I used the pendulum on him and he realised how powerful it was but he couldn’t think of anything he’d like to ask it to change.

I told him I was happy. He didn’t even acknowledge what I said. He didn’t care.

He said he was worried by how cold it was because he hadn’t got any money off the dole since he came out of prison 4 weeks before. I gave him all the cash I had in my wallet but the cashpoint in the hotel didn’t work so I couldn’t give him any more. He said it was ok, that I could transfer some money to his account.

At 1:30 am he left with a bottle of cider from the bar and £60 in his wallet.

He left me with an empty wallet and a feeling of being totally out of control again. He left me with that familiar misery that I have lived with for so long.

For the 3.5 hours he was with me I was like Sam out of Quantum leap. I was back as the Dawn before I started seeing Trevor. In fact I was the 18 year old Dawn. It felt like almost everything I had didn’t exist anymore. The only reminder was the fact that I was sat in a bar in a hotel, having just given him a load of cash.
He left and I was shaken.

The next day I got up at 5am having had a fitful sleep from 2am.

I made my way into college with my eyes to the ground and a maelstrom in my head. When I saw Trevor, the unfamiliarity was gone and there was the guy that had helped me find myself stood in front of me again. I wanted him to tell me it was ok, that I could cope. But I didn’t want to tell him that I’d screwed up, met my brother and was now in this deep dark hole. After all, this was day 2 of the course – this was not about me.

So I stewed.

Every break I took myself off to a quiet space as soon as I could and I tried to work out what was going on in my head. I found myself distracted as we went through the day, wanting only to find a nice dark corner to sit in.

When the course finished I sent the others off on their own (I usually travel back to the airport with a couple of friends off the course). I slowly walked through Regents Park to Baker street tube. I chatted to the squirrels, observed the birds, watched my feet as they walked along.

I eventually settled in at the airport and started working on my exam pack for the course to try and get my head somewhere else. I gave in an emailed Trevor. He reassured me that I’d just stirred stuff up and it would settle.

It did start to settle. But it hasn’t yet gone away.

I am still in the time warp.

I have realised a number of things

• I was stupid to think it was a good idea to meet with my brother
• I am not well enough established as the “new me” to cope with anything from my old life
• I can’t help my brother.
• I have a lot more work to do on myself.

I guess, like Sam from Quantum Leap I need to take action on these feelings then I can leap back to the me now. And get back to enjoying everything about my life. I think, it’s going to take a while longer for me to get back to enjoying being myself again.

London Marathon–8 weeks training done

I have done 8 weeks of training for the London Marathon. No really. I have. Me. Amazing if you consider I don’t like running.

But let’s pause a moment on that thought shall we.

I actually do like running now.

Because before I started training for the marathon I always felt I had to run either further or faster each time I went out. I had no goal and so was competing with myself. As a result, every run was harder than the last.

The thing I hate about running is getting breathless. For some reason I can’t cope with that and it’s always been the same. But the marathon is about balance. Generally here’s how it goes:

1. You do 1 long run a week. The distance or time of this increases each week as you get closer to the big day. The maximum distance you ever run in preparation is 20 miles. This run is done at a pace where you can easily have a conversation. I enjoy these most. I feel on these I can keep going forever. I have found, with these runs that I can actually enjoy running. Because of weather I have done these on the treadmill so far but the last 2 times I went out. The challenge is that it is all in the hills round here so when I did 1 hour 44 minutes instead of 2 hours I didn’t mind too much because it was all up in the hills. I will expand my route and make these longer and longer because I usually walk briskly up the steeper hills to keep my pace ‘easy conversational’. I take water and energy gels with me to keep me going and, when I run on a Sunday am usually fully recovered by the Monday. These runs are getting easier as my training kicks in. This is soul destroying on the treadmill but give where I live it’s better than not doing it.

2. You do 1 recovery run a week. This is at a faster pace than the long run but by no means a sprint. This week I did 4.23 miles in the 45 minutes I had scheduled. This was a reasonable pace. This is easy to do on the treadmill.

3. You do 1 interval run. Out of all of them this is the best for building your endurance for the marathon – and the one I find the hardest. You effectively sprint until you nearly collapse for a few minutes, do a cooldown jog for a couple of minutes and repeat for 5+ cycles. I have started doing these in the road across the front of my house. I sprint down and jog back. If this ever gets too easy (hard to imagine!) I can sprint 2 legs and jog one. This week it was too icy/snowy but the hill outside of my house was clear on one side of the road. So I ran up and down that 6 times which was the same effect. This is not something you can do on the treadmill easily!

4. You then do 2 or 3 days of cross training of some sort. I do an Xbox Kinect session. I use YourShape Cardio Endurance workout and a fun kick boxing session on after.

This week I had to juggle stuff around because I was in London on my course and because of the snow and ice. In the end, I only missed out 1 cross training day which is good enough. I did my long run on Friday afternoon before flying to London. I have more aches after that run than usual but I think this is because I did hills instead of intervals and hills on my long run. The muscles at the top of my thighs seemed to activate!

So in summary for this, week 8 of my marathon training, with only 68 days of training left :

If you want to guess my time you can below and it would also be really nice if you made a small donation at the same time by visiting my BT MyDonate page (I have chosen this method of fundraising because they don’t take any sort of admin fee which I like). I won’t be constantly plugging for a donation because I know money is tight. I only want you to give to this cause if you can afford it. There will be a link with every marathon post I do – as well as a link to guess my time.

If you want to guess my time and donate then either leave a comment with your guess (and I will fill in the survey), or click on the link and it will collect all the guesses in a survey tool. I will try and think of a nice prize for the winning guess too!

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Weekend 5 - Day 2

 Well where do I start?

After the course yesterday a few us went to the pub for dinner. And as I mentioned in yesterdays post, I decided, in a moment of temporary instanity, to try and meet up with my brother. The logistics of this required me to book and pay for a cab for him to come over to my hotel, and the same in return. 

He lives in New Cross and there was no way I was going there!

So here he is. No spiky punk hair because it was too cold. 

It was after 10pm by the time he arrived and it was about 1:30am when I waved goodbye to him. I got him to record a video for the little one which he did in his own inimitable way and scared the heck out of her when she watched it! At least it gives her time to get used to him before she meets him in person when I bring her down with me to watch me run the marathon. 

I wanted to suss out what I could do for him using Cognitive Hypnotherapy. My conclusion was 'not a lot'. Firstly he was very much 'I see how it can work for some but it won't for me'. It took all my skills to explain it to him and I eventually had to break out the pendulum to prove it. He also has epilepsy and hears voices as a result of the way he's abused his body with drugs and alcohol over the years. Neither of these are particularly good around hypnotherapy. I think if anyone can help him, it will have to be one of my fellow trainees at Quest. He would be great practice for them though! 

It appears he spent 6 weeks over xmas in prison. How he has got to 41, having been a junkie since he was 16, without a previous record is a mystery - but he has. It apparently was a huge fear for him and he took some pretty drastic steps to avoid going in there. But it seems that once there he coped well and his biggest problem was a horrible purple tracksuit they made him wear. At least he still had his tatoos!

He headed home in a taxi at 1:30am - with all the money I had in my wallet to keep him going and a bottle of magners in his pocket!

Needless to say I didn't sleep well and it was well past 2am before I settled. I was up again at 5am. I don't cope well with contact with certain members of my family and I feel like I have taken a number of steps back after meeting him. I have spent the day either wanting to cry or run headlong into the nearest wall multiple times. I don't entirely understand why I feel this way but I'm sure it will pass because of that. If it was more solid I could use a technique. The fact that it isn't must mean it will pass (I hope!)

At least it wasn't too cold this morning. I even managed a chat with this little chappy on the way home

So on the course: this weekend is, I think, one of the most powerful weekends for the personal development of the people on the course. We look initially at what our values are in life, usually around either our relationships or our careers. The way these exercises work is that you first list all your values, then you rank them in priority (usually surprising yourself by the ones that come top) and then you get to the "what's that all about" of each of the values to get to the real underlying drivers. 

You know how we often say "there's part of me that wants to X" or something like that? Well we look at the limiting belief we have around these values. Then we do one of the coolest techniques in the Cognitive Hypnotherapy toolkit called Visual Squash 

 In this technique you visualise the two different parts of yourself on each hand. You do some work to show that actually both the part you want to resolve and the other, often more positive part, have the same intention in your subconscious. Then with your eyes closed your hands come together and in that the two parts become integrated. 

It was very powerful for many people on the course, including my partner who said it was the biggest and most significant change in her since we started the course. It was nice to have been in a position to make that possible.

So now I am once more waiting in London City Airport. My friend that was up for the weekend has gone home. She had a fab day with the little one yesterday, taking her all over the place. This morning the little one wasn't well and actually had a nap which is unheard of. But apparently she perked up after, so fingers crossed. 

I am sure this feeling I am carrying will pass soon, and I'm sure having only 3 hours sleep has something to do with it! Luckily I am off work Friday - Tuesday next week so might get a chance to catch up with myself!

Course weekend 5 - day 1

Not much to share today with you guys.
It started very very cold. My mouth was getting cold inside as I breathed! The picture is Regents Park.

The course focussed a bit more on structure of therapy today as well as beginning to look at what our values are.

The weird thing on the course today came from me. I realised as I watched Trevor talk that he was like a stranger to me. It was like I only knew him as a course instructor and not as the therapist who changed my life!

Maybe this is a reaction to where I am in my head now. More settled in myself and in control of my own head. Or something else.

Anyway I thought I was gonna be on my own for dinner as the person I was meeting was sick but a few of us went to the pub , had some drinks and a chat and then some food. Hoorah

Then I decided to arrange to meet my brother. So that's what I'm doing now. Erk

The London Marathon–my charity

As you all should know by now that I am running the London Marathon thanks to Nestle Pure Life.

We are running for a charity too. After all, that is what the London Marathon is all about! I am running for:

Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust

Samantha Dickson Brain Tumour Trust (SDBTT) is the largest brain tumour charity in the UK. We have been working to improve understanding, diagnosis and treatment of both childhood and adult brain tumours since we were established in 1996.

Our work has three key strands:
1) Research: We spend around £1 million per year funding top quality scientific and clinical research into childhood and adult brain tumours, making us the leading dedicated brain tumour research funder in the UK.
2) Support: We run a dedicated helpline and series of patient information days to provide compassionate, confidential and accurate support and information for anyone living with, or affected by, a brain tumour including patients, family members, carers or friends.
3) Campaigning and Awareness Raising: Our latest campaign, HeadSmart, aims to raise awareness of childhood brain tumour symptoms among parents, GPs and other health professionals to make earlier diagnosis of brain tumours a reality for many more of the children and young people who experience them.

So I am going to make this a bit of fun.

I would like you to guess how long it will take for me to complete the marathon.

And if you want to guess, it would also be really nice if you made a small donation at the same time by visiting my BT MyDonate page (I have chosen this method of fundraising because they don’t take any sort of admin fee which I like)

If you want to guess my time and donate then either leave a comment with your guess, or click on the link and it will collect all the guesses in a survey tool. I will try and think of a nice prize for the winning guess too!

Click here to guess my time using survey monkey

**I am trying to find a survey tool that I can embed on this page so watch this space! but here are the guesses so far..