The Moiderer

A 4 year old mirror

Me: “I’m off for my shower”

Hubby: “Ok babe”

Little One: “Ok babe”

Isn’t it amazing how they copy us?

There was an NSPCC advert on a while back showing a kid following its parent around and copying everything they did. It was a powerful advert.

Increasingly the little one, now 4 years old, seems to have reached that age where she copies everything we do. From the words we use and the way we use them, to the way we sit and move – everything gets copied.

And it’s pretty humbling to have this 4 year old mirror in the house.

You get to see all sorts of things in yourself that you didn’t realise were there.

I see it in the way she plays with her dolls – telling them off or encouraging them. The way she is with our cat Spud when he brings a mouse in, yelling “Take it out Spud” at him as loud as she can.

And it’s humbling because you can see what could be.

Generally I am reassured.

She is kind to her toys and loving. She often cradles them to settle them. If they hurt themselves she kisses them better. She tries to instil good values in them around behaviour.

But I can see how easily it could be otherwise. If the behaviours of the parents was different. If there was shouting. If there was hitting. I can see how that would be very easily copied.

And I am happy that she is not being brought up in a house like that.

My book sales–an update

On the 8th June, 2012 I submitted my ebook for publishing on Amazon.

Since it was published it has been downloaded by 632 people

444 were on the 24 hour free download promotion.

188 have been paid downloads.

The reviews of it are really positive

 

5.0 out of 5 stars LJB41 Review, 28 Jun 2012

Louise Barrett "LJB41"

I initially 'met' Dawn online and we talked about running and doing the London Marathon, we continued to 'chat' on Twitter so when her book was released I bought it because that seemed the nice thing to do. I had no preconceptions about it as I had only been speaking to her for a few months and hadn't read much of her blog.

The book was a bit of a revelation to me! I had no idea some of the things she had been through. It turned out she had lost a child, as have I, but that is were our similarities ended. She had a very sad childhood which had impacted on her adult life. This book is a journey through the last 12 months; Dawn has worked hard with Trevor to work out her feeling and memories. I don't want to give away much but this book really is an insight to Cognitive Hypnotherapy and how it can be used to achieve many positive things. I liked the diary aspect of the book; I think it worked really well.

Well done Dawn, you were really brave to be so honest with this book. Interestingly as I was reading I expected to feel sorry for you by the end for everything you have been in through, in fact I felt immensely proud of you for dealing with it so well and I am really chuffed for you that all is working out, one day at a time.

Louise

 

4.0 out of 5 stars A Very Real Journey Recorded in an Innovative Format.26 Jun 2012

David Mitchell

Just after I got a tablet again, a long time Twitter friend publishes a book. I bought this for myself (not a review freebie) because I was interested in it for a couple of reasons other than knowing the author. Firstly, I was very curious about whether a blog would work transformed into a book format. Secondly, I am very interested in how people have and experienced a paradigm shift in thinking, belief, perspective etc. This lead me to purchase a type of book I would never normally read. I'll try not to include any spoilers below but read at your own risk :-)

Okay - first point - does it work in a book format? Yes it does. There is a nice preface and a prologue that act as solid bookends for the rest of the diary/blog format. It is easy to get into and very addictive to read. There's a lot of emotional moments (happy and sad), family drama and even the adventure of a major sporting event. Being a near daily blog, there's recording the day to day activities of Hubby and 'Little one' which help lighten some of the tougher moments. Some entries are written in totally different styles which keeps things varied too.

A large part of the book is taken up with Dawn's interest and journey into 'Cognitive Hypnotherapy'. I will state clearly that I am not sure what I make of Cognitive Hypnotherapy and any form of hypnosis or therapy makes me very cautious, dismissive and cynical. Probably overly so. However that's not really the point of this book so don't be put off by that. It's about the human journey and the drama in an extraordinarily eventful year or so. Now that I typed that I realise this book has quite a pace!

For less than a cup of coffee, this book certainly delivers and is a journey well worth taking. It has really got me thinking about myself and the things I assume will always have to be a certain way. Even if you are not interested in the cognitive stuff or don't usually read this type of book, I can recommend it. The format is innovative and each entry is well written. It will certainly stick in your mind for a good while.

5.0 out of 5 stars Wow, a fab read!, 26 Jun 2012

LyndaH

A rollercoaster of a read, tears, happiness and most of all hope! We often repeat patterns of behaviour that just don't work but Dawn's book shows that things can and do change, maybe not overnight, maybe not a quick fix but finally a long term change and the chance to be happy now x

 

5.0 out of 5 stars An inspiration, 24 July 2012

Amanda

I have followed Dawn's "journey" online so I was keen to read her book and was not disappointed.

The diary format works really well and although the book covers really dark issues it is by no means a depressing read.

A great book that I will recommend and no doubt I shall read again.

Thank you Dawn for being brave enough to share something so personal.

5.0 out of 5 stars A really honest and brave book, 23 July 2012

JillBrown

Being a series of blogs made this book very easy to read. It's a very brave story and very brave to share it so honestly and openly. It's also funny and moving at the same time. There was much in there that I think most of us can relate to in one way or another. Thank you Dawn for sharing your story and I know it will be an inspiration to many.

5.0 out of 5 stars The power of (creating) happiness, 23 July 2012

madeleineboerma

 

I have just finished reading the book and if you want to read a very personal, powerful, honest and true story, "Nothing needs to be the way it's always been" is just that! The journey of one woman who, against all odds, manages to create a new and happy life for herself. It's both witty and serious as well as personal and inspirational. I strongly believe in the power of taking response-ability and Dawn is doing so and at the same time sharing her process with us. She has managed to transform her blogposts into a page-turner book that I finished in one go, curious as to what she would be going through next. I would not be surprised if it inspires readers to investigate their own personal lifetravels and a desire to truly come "home" and be happy!

5.0 out of 5 starsFascinating and inspirational, 12 Jun 2012

Fromsnickerstomarathon

This is an honest and moving account of one woman's journey to change her life through a series of Cognitive Hypnotherapy sessions. Without giving too many of the details away, what Dawn has achieved with the help of her therapist Trevor, is absolutely incredible.

The book is a collection of blog posts, written over the space of around year. They chart Dawn's transformation from someone who, following a traumatic childhood, literally hated herself and dreaded each day to someone who is now genuinely happy and planning for an exciting future.

It's an emotional read, which had me close to tears on a couple of occasions, but mainly left me full of admiration for Dawn and wanting to understand more about Cognitive Hypnotherapy technique. It's really well written and engaging - a real page turner and great value for money.

Highly recommended!

4.0 out of 5 stars Well worth a read., 18 July 2012

Orlando Larsson "OfOtherWorlds" 

 

Wasn't quite sure what to expect from this but was pleasantly surprised. Its very much about the author's personal journey and transformation via Cognitive Hypnotherapy. Its really up to the reader to decide if CH would be for them or not. I'm not convinced but that doesn't detract from the book being a good read. I'm a fairly slow reader and don't have a huge concentration span so the blog-like entries worked well for me. If anyone reading this has been through some form of mental illness themselves then they will undoubtedly recognize themselves from time to time as the author's journey progresses. I know that's true for me. The writing style is very much down to earth and it flows easily which is good. Worth a read. It may also encourage others to write down their own experiences of illness and a blog style is a good way to do this.

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome, 17 July 2012

Mr. W. M. Owens "Pendragon"  

I'm not really someone who writes reviews of things. Basically i'm not very good with words, and besides I am a very lazy person at heart.

But I wanted to leave at least a few words on this to say how impressed I am. Now I could use a thousand words to say how cool and awesome this book is. But instead I will use facts.

I buy books off amazon weekly. I have thousands of books in all formats, and out of those many many books only three have ever made me leave a review. And this is one of them

So please. get this book. read this book. and leave a review.

I'm not saying this book will bring about world peace, but I am saying it may change your life for the better. And isn't that worth the risk of a few pound?

So click up there where is says purchase this item!!!!

5.0 out of 5 starsUplifting and inspiring, 13 July 2012

Heather

I think this book sends out a really positive message. Dawn has been through a lot and managed to turn her life around despite the drawbacks. Her story is encouraging; although she has her down moments, overall I think she is a very strong lady and has come through smiling. I also like the format of the book as it enables the reader to identify with Dawn, following her rollercoaster of a journey from week to week. It has also given me an interest in the power of cognitive hynotherapy and I think it is something I may consider in the future. All in all, a very inspirational read.

 

5.0 out of 5 stars A Brave and Honest Book, 3 July 2012

Mrs. S. K. Mann "SusanKMann"

 

I met the author of this book Dawn on twitter and got chatting with her. I followed her rollercoaster of a journey on her blog, twitter and by meeting her in real life. Her journey through Cognitive Hypnotherapy has been an amazing one. One this book brings to life.

Dawn didn't had quite a traumatic childhood and this was taken with her into her adulthood. She has been through so much, it's heartbreaking to read, even as an adult she goes through so much heartache, but she's here and she's telling her tale and changing her life for the better.

This book is based on the last 12 months of Dawn's journey and is written in a diary format, which is a great way to follow. Once you start you will be sucked in and not able to put it down until the end.

At first I was initially sceptical about Cognitive Hypnotherapy but having followed this journey, I have had it myself and I am a firm believer this can work miracles. If you are sceptical, read this book, see how much it transformed her life. Dawn has come so far and continues to grow and help people every day. She's amazing. However, this book isn't all about the Hypnotherapy, it's not a self help book or one that goes on about how wonderful this therapy is. This book is about a personal insight into someones life.

This is one of the bravest and honest books I have ever read. Read this book, it will open your mind and make you look at yourself differently, you won't regret it. Grab the tissues for the tears, but there will be a lot of smiling in there too.

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If you haven’t got it yet why not try it? It’s only 77p. I removed it off Lulu because they were useless on distribution but The Kindle App is available for free on pretty much every device so you don’t need a kindle to read it.

NEXT STEPS

• I am working on getting it into print. It means I will be able to give copies to my clients easily and for free. It also means those of you who don’t use technology for books can buy it.
• I need to market it more. It has had such good reviews and so many downloads that I was hoping word of mouth would give it a bit of momentum and certainly the 24 hours free promo spurred nearly a 100 downloads in the following couple of weeks. However it has now slowed down to a couple of sales a day. Any advice on what next would be very much appreciated.

Meanwhile, thank you everyone who had downloaded a copy. I hope you enjoyed it and if you get a moment to do a review on Amazon that would be fab

You can go here to buy it or post a review

Saturday Snapshots

The weather has been a bit unpredictable here all week. Right now it’s bucketing it down. Earlier it was sunny.

So having been to the cinema to see The Lorax for the 2nd time yesterday (It is the best film ever – a must see!) then we skipped our usual cinema trip today and instead went to town

I love the fact that kids run everywhere. When I’m out with the little one we run most places (and she gets knackered before me). In fact I have resolved that I am going to behave like a kid when I’m out and run everywhere!

We then went to the Robot exhibition in Sensations Science centre in Dundee. She was a bit young for it to be honest but we had lunch in their cafe while we were there so we spent a couple of hours there all together.

I love the fact that when you get food the number they give you is a Bunsen burner

Then she wanted to go to the beach and we didn’t have stuff with us. Luckily by the time we got home it was raining and she forgot about going to the beach.

She introduced her new doll Cinderella to Aurora and Aerial

We watched the Olympics Gymnastics

And then because we’d brought the hubby some sausage rolls back from town, she wanted some so I attempted to make GF sort of flaky pastry!

They weren’t the best but she scoffed 2 of them which is actually quite good!

Oh and of course she sat in her sandpit

And once more she was well knackered by bedtime.

Becoming an Olympic Millionaire

Do you dare to dream?

Today the National Lottery is going to make 100 guaranteed millionaires as a celebration of the Olympics.

Overnight the lives of 100 people will change. But by how much?

Have you ever dreamt about what you would do with a million pounds? Pay off debt, quit your job, help out family, have a holiday.

Now stop for a moment.

Think again.

What will you be doing in 2 years time.

What will you be doing in 10 years time?

I think most of us tend to focus most on how we get out of our current situation. How we get away from where we are now.

Dreaming is all about wondering where you could go to. It's about moving towards something.

So why not take a moment now.

Where will you be in 10 years time?

If you could do anything at all, what would you do?

Got it?

Now ask yourself - why not?

I can help you with working out how you get to where you want to go. I can even help you work out where you want to go. Just check out the Life Coaching section on my Think it, Change it site and/or drop an email to dawn@thinkitchangeit.com to see how I can help

The Marathon Screwed me up

My Thinking Slimmer journey has been a bit of a challenge these last few months.

First I did the marathon in April. To do this, not only did I need to stop listening to my pods but I had to stop listening to my full signals because I needed to carb up for longer runs. My body needed fuel and on my Slimpod I just didn’t want to eat enough to give me fuel.

A couple of weeks after the marathon I started listening to my Slimpod again but was disappointed to find nothing changed. All those familiar behaviours around food that I loved so much didn’t return.

And then I had a session with Trevor that fundamentally changed everything.

That’s it I thought. Now it will all kick in again.

But it didn’t.

Nothing changed in my relationship to food. Other than a sense of freedom. My emotional connection to food had gone.

For a while I enjoyed the freedom. For food to be something to be enjoyed with no meaning.

But something had to change. Clothes were feeling tighter.

I changed when I listened. I changed which track I listened to. And occasionally it felt like it was kicking in. I would have a few days where food just wasn’t important. But then I’d have a few days where I snacked all day and ate everything on my plate at dinnertime.

And then I saw this photo. And I know I am leaning. And I know the light is dodgy, but I look like I did a year ago in it. Even though that long sleeved T-shirt I’m wearing is one that I haven’t been able to wear for 10 years because it was too tight. Even though my T-shirt is too baggy. I still feel, looking at this photo that I have gone back a mile.

Was. Not. Happy.

Then I learnt a technique called EFT on the final weekend of my course. I had nothing to lose so I tried it on my food problem. “I will not eat crap” I said whilst tapping away on meridian lines (I know, it’s all a bit woo woo but it can be very effective)

And you know what? It worked.

Just a slight shift in energy was all I needed.

Since the weekend before last my attitude to food has changed. In fact it’s changed so much, it’s gone beyond what the slimpod did for me before and into the realm of what other people said they gained from the slimpod.

I just don’t want to eat crap anymore.

When I look for lunch I grab a salad because that’s what I want. My dinner portions have shrunk right down again and I’m not constantly snacking.

Everything feels right again.

And as a result, when I weighed myself at the start of the week I found I had lost 7lbs. And I knew this was true because clothes were fitting normally again. I could tighten up the belt more again. And I knew that my body was feeling different.

So I’m back on track.

And from the changes in my body I actually believe I am progressing now beyond where I was before I started the marathon training.

You never know, at this rate I might even be able to fit in size 12 jeans by my 40th birthday in October.

The Gallery–Street Photography

I grew up in the country. A street to me was a road with hedges on either side. The roads were chipped so in the summer the tar around the chips would bubble up and we’d poke it with a stick.

Now the streets I travel are far more varied.

Dundee with the tram lines that are no longer used (unless as a channel for the little one to walk in)

The roads around my house

The local woodland

The Overgate Centre in Dundee

Regent’s Park in London

The start of the London Marathon

Blackpool with the tram lines

The Dragon in Dundee

Broughty Ferry by the beach

A big hill near my house

Pinner early on a Sunday morning

A roundabout near London City airport with a new statue for the Olympics

This was all put together for this weeks gallery over at sticky fingers where the subject is "Street Photography"

I'm struggling

If you follow me on Twitter and/or this blog you'll know this is a very difficult time of year for me. I've spent the last couple of days in tears and at the same time beating myself up over it. 

Yesterday was particularly tough. The little one's birthday is bitter sweet for me. At the same time as enjoying her growing up, I was reminded of the missing person. Of Adam.

And instead of revelling in the celebration I was getting stressed and upset. I was trying not to be upset. But it just kept flooding me.

And it has today. 

Adam was born on the 6th July, 2007. 

Everything in the pregnancy was fine until 2 weeks before when a routine check gave the midwife enough concerns about my blood pressure to send me to hospital for tests. It went more and more wrong by the day until he was delivered by emergency C-Section on the day he turned 26 weeks. 

So every year, in the 2 weeks before the 6th July, I sink more and more into a dark place.

Then for a few days after he was born it was totally touch and go. From the first moment the phrase used was "he's a very sick little boy", "the chances are not good". The first night we got called through to say goodbye. But he pulled through that. 

I relive that time every year. Of sitting on my hospital bed with the hubby, sobbing that it wasn't fair and yet somehow, believing it was what I deserved.

But he fought his way through everything. 

And so a week or so after he was born we had settled into a pattern of visiting him 3 times a day. Of hating the machine which showed his oxygen levels. Of watching them stick more and more tubes in him. But it was calm and settled. And some days we even believed he would pull through. 

Then one of the tubes leaked. His veins were so small and there were so many tubes. And it was caustic and caused a huge burn on his arm. And that was one more thing he had to fight. One thing too many as it turned out. 

And so about a week and a half before the final moment on the 5th August we began to lose hope. The doctors were talking to us about switching off his machines. Of it being kinder to do that. And we maintained, as we had always done, that as long as he wasn't suffering then we would not lose hope and we would try everything. 

But it was clear it was the beginning of the end. And at this time every year I relive that sinking feeling.

That feeling that makes me start crying at random points through the day.

That feeling that makes it so hard for me to keep my head above water. 

On the 3rd of August they said they should give him a steroid injection to give his lungs a chance to grow. But there was a risk...the steroids would stop cell production and his stomach lining might be too thin to cope. 

Which is what happened. Regular xrays on the 4th of August showed his lungs weren't really recovering. And as I visited him late in the afternoon, he started writhing in agony and his oxygen levels started dropping. 

Before I got home I had the phonecall to come back to the hospital with the hubby. 

We travelled back in silence and tears. 

Our worst fear had come true. He had developed a tear in his stomach. There was nothing they could do. He had fought everything and he just couldn't fight this. 

He was suffering and we wouldn't let that happen. 

So we had to make the decision. To dose him up on morphine and switch off his ventilator. 

This was done in the early hours of the 5th August. 

And then he was gone. My first child. My baby boy.

And so at this time every year I struggle so much as I re-live every moment and every feeling. Either consciously or subconsciously. Whichever, it's so tough. 

 

Happy 4th Birthday Little one

Today was the little one’s fourth birthday. I had actually remembered to get the invites out before school finished which is some kind of miracle!

As you can see it was a Cat in the Hat theme. As she needs a Gluten Free Cake I generally make them for her. Last year was a Gruffalo – this year was a Cat in the Hat with added Lorax after seeing the film yesterday

When asked what the best thing about her birthday had been, she answered “my cake”. This is good because I did something different with the recipe and have no idea what. It made a lovely light fluffy cake which is the worst thing ever for make a novelty cake out of. My first attempt collapsed and I had to replace the whole head

Not good!

I had the Gluten Free part food all sorted – including the delicious Chocolate Orange Fudge!

Amongst her other presents we got her an indoor sandpit. Eventually we realised it needed a container for the sand. But she is delighted with it. They have one at nursery and she plays with it every day.

As you can see, she has her Cat in the Hat soft toy helping – also a birthday pressie. Her face isn’t uber dirty by the way, I decided in my madness to have a first stab at face painting for the party

The tiger’s had to be red on top because I didn’t have orange! The boy on the right in the top picture requested Tractors! He is a massive John Dere fan so there was huge pressure! apparently I did ok though.

Anyway, we had 7 kids accept the invite and as the weather was yuk I set my newly cleared out and painted garage up as a playroom. I planned to run a sort of relay assault course

Fetch Lego out of the tent

4 spins in the chair

Down the slide into the ball pool, grab a bike, hand the brick to your team and build.

Well it sort of started off ok – but then went into chaos

My friend thought she had a cunning plan to clear up the balls. Step 1 get them to throw them all at her while she stood against the wall

It got a bit violent and getting that part of the game to stop was a challenge!

Then she went and stood in the pool and asked them to throw the balls at her. Unfortunately that was of no interest to them!

At the end they all sat in the ball pool while I read the Splat the Secret Agent book to them to get them to calm down. One of the mothers has the pictures that I will add after if I get hold of them.

I think everyone had a great time. The little one went to bed at 6:30 and I read her a book – The Cat in the Hat of course – and she settled down to sleep.

Time passes

Hmm haven’t done a general update for a while have I?

So what’s going on? Here is my update with a few random photos

Well I got screwed over by the builders and by garage conversion hasn’t even started yet. I paid a deposit which they haven’t returned. On the plus side I do have a contact from my window cleaner (who is also a fireman) for a colleague of his that does building work. I will contact him as soon as my phones are fixed (they’ve been down for a week)

It’s the little one’s birthday on Sunday. The party will be at our house and the cake will be a Cat in the Hat cake.

I have finished my Cognitive Hypnotherapy course and am now open for business. I have already started making money and seeing clients. This is evenings and weekends only until I have built my business up.

And of course I published a book

The little one has completed her first year at pre-school. She won’t move up next year but will stay in the pre-school class with her friends. The criteria is, I believe, if they have their birthday in February and turn 4 they can go up but hers isn’t until July. She loves school and has loads of friends. My toddler is now a little girl and growing every day.

She’s getting pretty good at sleeping. She goes to bed at 7 and after a story and a song she goes straight to sleep almost every night. She gets up between 6 and 7am.

The Olympics are about to start so I am doing even less travel than usual.

My weight loss stalled after I had to force a change in behaviours for the marathon. I believe I am back on track now and will do an update in a while. I have started barefoot running and love it. I go running every day (except I have a leg injury right now so am having some time off)

The little one is getting really good at drawing and any time she spots a pen and some paper

Spud has grown into a lovely cat. He is very affectionate and was not happy when we went away. He doesn’t like cat food so has dry food and water available at all times. This means he pretty much chooses to co-habit with us, coming and going as he pleases. He loves the little one and always gives her lots of attention

Unfortunately he’s also a really good hunter. So we have to shut him in the utility room overnight with his food, drink and the catflap, to make sure we don’t wake up to carnage in the morning. He’s caught a couple of moles

And that’s us really.

Everything is pretty happy here.

My book–wow what a promo day!

So yesterday, for 24 hours, I had my book on free promo.

Within 2 hours it was No. 1 in the Personal Transformation book chart for free books.

Within another 2 hours it was no. 1 in the Self Help and Parenting section too and it stayed there all day.

By the time I got to the end of the promo it was number 105 in the OVERALL free book chart on Amazon. Of all the free books published on Amazon mine got to position 105. That is amazing.

It was downloaded by 443 people during the promo meaning that it has now been downloaded a total of 533 times if you include the people that bought it.

It has received 7 reviews and overall is scoring 4.9 out of 5!

I have changed the price to $1 (77p) which will now have it showing up in the $1 charts that a lot of people browse to find new books. I hope that it will keep it’s momentum to some degree by being there.

Thank you everyone who downloaded it.

When you’ve read it, I would really appreciate you popping back to the page and writing a quick review and maybe ticking the like button at the top.

Meanwhile, if you missed your chance you can still get it for a mere 77p by following this link