There is that moment, that time. It's a time just before I go to sleep. It's the only time in a day I am alone with my thoughts. Still. With nothing else intruding.
This is a thing that scares me. That I avoid because I'm scared of me, it seems. And yet, at that time I have clarity. I see things for how they are without the noise that I fill my head with the rest of the time. I always occupy myself with multiple activities, work at th same time as Facebook and Twitter, and thoughts on developing my company. I do them all. In the evenings I play scrabble while watching TV and chatting online. I am always running away from the stillness because it is a risk. Of what? I'm not sure. These days I look in the direction I'm going, into my future. I used to only look backwards. One day I will stop running I'm sure.
There are only 2 other times where I allow thoughts to fill my head. Times that are quite 'safe' for me.
The first is when I run. The beauty of running is that I can always focus on the physical. Should I vary my pace? Should I run further? How is this feeling? Oh look a rabbit...so I can allow thoughts to come and go. I get some of my best ideas when I run because of that space counter balanced by the focus on the act of running
The second is when I drive. I love long drives. As with the running I have the act of driving to focus on. I have the meters to watch - distance to destination, petrol, toilet breaks etc. I also have music blasting out and those moments of "I love this song". Thoughts can come and go safely.
Funnily I gain the most insight when I'm still. Maybe one day I'll stop being scared. I hope that one day I'll learn to stop running and embrace the stillness.
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