I was over it. The angst and the bitterness. Last year I was over it and decided mother’s day was about me being a mum. I had a good day
This year? Well this year isn’t working out so well again.
At the start of the year the events I started with the police kicked stuff off again. Once more I found my expectations of what my mother would do didn’t match the reality. I feel like an idiot for thinking things would be any different this time.
And it hurts. Most of the pain has gone from my life now. In the main I live a happy and balanced life. I live life for the moment.
After all we can’t change the past and we don’t know what will happen in the future so all we can ever really do is live in the moment.
I am ok at that these days.
Sometimes things drag me back though. Like Mother’s Day. The constant adverts on the radio and TV “Tell us why your mother is the best…”
I wish I could. I don’t think I’d win any competitions with my competition entry!
I’m trying to see it as a day for the little one and I, but it’s too raw this year. I really can’t. It will be over in a couple of days and I can get on with the business of forgetting again. You see I am a mother. I would do anything for my daughter. There isn’t a single thing I can think of where her needs would not be more important than my own. My love for her does not have any limitations on it.
It has been a really hard and long journey to get to the point where I am able to accept that my mother not loving me in the same way as I expect a mother to love her daughter is not about me but about her stuff. But we all want to be loved by our parents don’t we? It’s a hard thing to accept deep down. So it hurts to be betrayed again more because I believed this time it might be different and it wasn’t.
I’m not sure about the best way to get through Mother’s Day this year.
I know I am not alone. People have lost their mums and miss them terribly. People have never had a mum in their life and feel the sense of missing out or being different. People who have a difficult relationship with their mother and are pressured into behaving like their mother matters when really they don’t.
So how do we deal with these Hallmark events which are hyped up to the max? Do we treat them as an opportunity to kick back and have some fun? Do we try and ignore them and get on with life as you would an normal day? Do we hide and wait until they are over?