I’ve been having a bit of a wobble with my strength training.
The problem is that I’m just not very good at anything I do there. I thought I was doing ok then I saw how others were doing. Others were doing the same as I was achieving after months in a first or second session. Other people were lifting loads more on the bench press. In fact, everyone was better than me at everything.
And whilst I was doing it for myself, this fuelled the belief that my body is rubbish. At the same time I saw the photos of myself doing the Pecha Kucha talk.
I literally can not process this image. That does not look like me. I know I am overweight right now and still working on it – but not that much. I do not see that when I look in the mirror. I do not see that when I look down. I do not see someone that big. It was a huge shock. That is not me.
These are my legs. These are the legs of a person that is an ok size. These are my legs. I recognise these legs.
I do not recognise this body that goes with them.
So I had a major wobble.
Everything felt hopeless. I felt hopeless.
I am going to London in June and arranged to see Trevor for another session. It’s nearly a year since the trial. I know I went into protection on the run up to the trial. Physically I built a protective layer around myself. It’s been a long journey since then and nothing much has changed physically although a huge amount has changed mentally. I have a one or two things I am stuck on though and I need Trevor’s help to get past them. We all need help sometimes.
I spoke to Ricky my PT and said I would pause the sessions. I go once a week with my friend and I was going once a week on my own too. I decided to scale back to the Saturday.
And then a couple of weeks ago I did a rack pull and I got up to 90Kg. My previous best had been 60kg (about 9 stone).
I seemed to be quite good at this. I did at deadlift at 80kg. I got the 100kg just off the floor. Maybe I can be good at something after all.
So now I am focussed on seeing how far I can go with the deadlift.
This is me lifting 105kg (about 16 stone)
So now I am still going twice a week – once with my friend and once on my own just to do the deadlift.
My grip may be rubbish but I have strong arms!