The Moiderer

Weekend 5 - Day 2

 Well where do I start?

After the course yesterday a few us went to the pub for dinner. And as I mentioned in yesterdays post, I decided, in a moment of temporary instanity, to try and meet up with my brother. The logistics of this required me to book and pay for a cab for him to come over to my hotel, and the same in return. 

He lives in New Cross and there was no way I was going there!

So here he is. No spiky punk hair because it was too cold. 

It was after 10pm by the time he arrived and it was about 1:30am when I waved goodbye to him. I got him to record a video for the little one which he did in his own inimitable way and scared the heck out of her when she watched it! At least it gives her time to get used to him before she meets him in person when I bring her down with me to watch me run the marathon. 

I wanted to suss out what I could do for him using Cognitive Hypnotherapy. My conclusion was 'not a lot'. Firstly he was very much 'I see how it can work for some but it won't for me'. It took all my skills to explain it to him and I eventually had to break out the pendulum to prove it. He also has epilepsy and hears voices as a result of the way he's abused his body with drugs and alcohol over the years. Neither of these are particularly good around hypnotherapy. I think if anyone can help him, it will have to be one of my fellow trainees at Quest. He would be great practice for them though! 

It appears he spent 6 weeks over xmas in prison. How he has got to 41, having been a junkie since he was 16, without a previous record is a mystery - but he has. It apparently was a huge fear for him and he took some pretty drastic steps to avoid going in there. But it seems that once there he coped well and his biggest problem was a horrible purple tracksuit they made him wear. At least he still had his tatoos!

He headed home in a taxi at 1:30am - with all the money I had in my wallet to keep him going and a bottle of magners in his pocket!

Needless to say I didn't sleep well and it was well past 2am before I settled. I was up again at 5am. I don't cope well with contact with certain members of my family and I feel like I have taken a number of steps back after meeting him. I have spent the day either wanting to cry or run headlong into the nearest wall multiple times. I don't entirely understand why I feel this way but I'm sure it will pass because of that. If it was more solid I could use a technique. The fact that it isn't must mean it will pass (I hope!)

At least it wasn't too cold this morning. I even managed a chat with this little chappy on the way home

So on the course: this weekend is, I think, one of the most powerful weekends for the personal development of the people on the course. We look initially at what our values are in life, usually around either our relationships or our careers. The way these exercises work is that you first list all your values, then you rank them in priority (usually surprising yourself by the ones that come top) and then you get to the "what's that all about" of each of the values to get to the real underlying drivers. 

You know how we often say "there's part of me that wants to X" or something like that? Well we look at the limiting belief we have around these values. Then we do one of the coolest techniques in the Cognitive Hypnotherapy toolkit called Visual Squash 

 In this technique you visualise the two different parts of yourself on each hand. You do some work to show that actually both the part you want to resolve and the other, often more positive part, have the same intention in your subconscious. Then with your eyes closed your hands come together and in that the two parts become integrated. 

It was very powerful for many people on the course, including my partner who said it was the biggest and most significant change in her since we started the course. It was nice to have been in a position to make that possible.

So now I am once more waiting in London City Airport. My friend that was up for the weekend has gone home. She had a fab day with the little one yesterday, taking her all over the place. This morning the little one wasn't well and actually had a nap which is unheard of. But apparently she perked up after, so fingers crossed. 

I am sure this feeling I am carrying will pass soon, and I'm sure having only 3 hours sleep has something to do with it! Luckily I am off work Friday - Tuesday next week so might get a chance to catch up with myself!

It’s not me, it’s you

Early last year I attended a meeting that left me incredibly frustrated.

Apart from the fact that noone had prepared for it, and aside from the usual “nobody asked me and I don’t want to do it that way” that you get in meetings in the company I work for, there was an individual that made it particularly unpleasant.

Every time I said something they disagreed. If I said something was black they would say it was white – and worse, that they weren’t going to change or contribute.

I was fuming at the end of the meeting. And frustrated that people could behave like that in a meeting and that it was acceptable. People copied them and rallied around them. I was left on my own with little to show from a 2 hour workshop.

So as you can imagine – it was with some trepidation that I attended a meeting with that same person yesterday.

But something has changed…me.

I have not only found a place personally where I am comfortable with myself and my skills, but I have learnt a lot about working with different types of people through my Cognitive Hypnotherapy course. I have learnt how to read their body language to understand how they like to communicate. I have learnt to watch where they look as they talk to see if they are visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. I have learnt to match my language and approach to find an easier way of communicating with them.

And most importantly I have learnt to ask

“How is this about them and not about me?”

And you know what? it was a brilliant meeting. My heart rate didn’t rise once through frustration (I might have got a bit ‘into’ what I was talking about a couple of times as the meeting was around our role in the Olympics and I am the lead for our part of the organisation on this)

We achieved a lot and agreed to work together more closely over the coming weeks – a thought that would have made me lose the will to live previously but that is fine now.

This is my first real face to face workshop since I’ve reached a point in my learning where I am cool with being me and really able to apply my skills.

And it is giving me lots of ideas for how I can set up the coaching part of my practice.

It’s quite exciting this Cognitive Hypnotherapy stuff!

Pendulums and Peanut M&M’s

You often hear talk about “The Mind-Body Connection” which is amusing really.

The mind is an integral part of the body so talking about a connection implies a separation. As it is all one unit, what happens in the mind affects our physiology and what happens in our physiology affects our mind.

It is, therefore, pretty obvious that you can work on the way we think to address physical issues.

I have read a number of excellent books lately that explain the scientific dimensions of this. One is The Biology of Belief by Bruce H Lipton and the other is The Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert

There are many insights in these books on how we can apply this knowledge and there are also many studies increasingly happening that link purely what we do in our heads with some amazing results.

Some examples:

1. Research into immune suppressant drugs turned up something fascinating. Two groups of people were given drugs and an unusual flavour of milkshake to drink at the same time. Half the people had the working tablets, the other half a placebo as a control group. The immune suppressant tablets were working fine. After a number of days, the working tablets were swapped for a placebo but they continued with the milkshake. And yet the immune suppressant qualities continued to work. The milkshake had almost become a taste anchor

2. A friend knows of a researcher working on Alopecia (the skin condition that prevents hair from growing) they have seen very good results using nothing more than hypnosis recordings. In at least one example, an older lady grew a full head of hair having been totally bald from the condition.

Add to that all we know about the many ways symptoms of stress and trauma manifest themselves in physical ways.

So much of what we do is based on believing it is possible. Once you have discovered the art of the possible, then all you need is to develop a technique to replicate it deliberately.

I mentioned how the last weekend of my Cognitive Hypnotherapy weekend was all about healing techniques. How we work with the mind to heal the body. It was truly mind-blowing. I love the way that through Cognitive Hypnotherapy, Trevor has integrated and adapted so many different techniques to give us a powerful toolkit that we can use to find the best thing to help our clients.

And a whole world opened onto the art of the possible, because through all the practical exercises during the weekend, people were getting healed. Pain, vision, bad skin, even the ability to spell were all impacted through these exercises. In fact, describing it, you would be forgiven for imagining us all in a field with long flowing hair, dancing round a campfire and chanting (we didn’t by the way!)

And these techniques, on the scale of things, are very simple.

One that is really simple and amazingly good fun, that I have already talked about was the pendulum.

So here is the pendulum I went out and bought.

It’s a chain from Accessorize. It cost me £5 in the sale and I believe that’s an Amethyst attached to it. It has enough weight to pick up micro movements in a finger driven by the subconscious (I really want to get a Hematite one when I get the chance)

And that’s all you need. The ability to have a yes/no conversation.

I love being able to have a chat with my subconscious.I love the fact that something like that is even possible. Our subconscious does what it does for a reason. Usually some form of protection. Very often, it seems, misguided.

As I observed people doing this exercise, I have learnt that pretty much anything is possible, as long as you can persuade the subconscious. It doesn’t just have to be healing.

I have an ongoing challenge with peanut M&M’s. I have a packet in my car, and every time I go out I eat a handful. If I go out 3 days in a row, the packet will have gone. At times, I actually plan to go out so I can eat some.

So I figured, what the heck, let’s give the pendulum a go on this habit. Let’s see if I can get rid of it.

So I asked, would it be possible: yes

I asked if it was ok: yes

I asked how long it would take (giving every narrower options): it said 1 day.

Excellent!

In the morning I had picked up the little one from school, and scoffed a handful of Peanut M&M’s.

I did the pendulum thing.

In the evening I went out to see someone.

I glanced at the M&M’s. I didn’t want one. I pushed the matter and took one and ate it. I felt a bit sick.

Since that day about 3 days ago, the packet remains in the same state. I even took a 140 mile round trip to Aberdeen and didn’t want to eat them. An opened, unloved bag of M&M’s remains in my car.

And now, on the principle of “knowing it’s possible means you can deliberately apply it”, I have another technique in my toolkit. Not just for use in healing, but also possibly in habit breaking. And this one can be done in 5 minutes, doesn’t need a bunch of relaxation or eyes closed techniques, and is incredibly amusing for the people taking part!

Weekend 4, day 2 - subcon is still a git

So I told you how this weekend was all about the healing aspects of Cognitive Hypnotherapy. It was fascinating and day 2 lived up to the expectations set by a great day 1.

But first let me give you a little context to my mindset.

You should be aware that I went for another session with Trevor on Friday. The way these work is that he usually does 'stuff' that has an immediate effect, but then early the week after he sends me a Wordweaving recording that he has done for me that I can listen to daily to reinforce the things that we covered (similar to the slimpods but specific to me and my issues).

I usually have about a week of turmoil as I try and adapt to the change in my mindset from the work we've done together. There are such significant shifts in a way of thinking that I've held for over 20 years that it really throws me at first.

So the 'stuff' on Friday was truly amazing. It felt like someone had lifted a huge weight from me. When I say 'huge' I visualised it as an anvil being lifted off my chest. The effect was immediate as I walked out of the room filled with an unfamiliar sense of calm and confidence.

I then met with different people and went straight into day 1 of my course, not getting a chance to really process anything until I headed to Watford yesterday evening.

In the meantime, the change in me was also noticeable on the course (even Trevor noticed it). Unlike before I felt comfortable with my level of skills and knowledge. I have put a lot of time into this because it is something I believe in so much. As you will know if you've been reading this blog for a while, I truly believe I have found my 'thing' in life. In previous courses when people have commented on all the work I've done practicing and my participation in the forum discussions, I have cringed and felt bad over it. This weekend I felt good about what I know. I was happy to dicuss with my fellow course attendees. I was accepting of observations as a compliment and not a criticism.

On top of that, this weekend confirmed that the last 3 people I have used my new found skills to help have all benefited to varying degrees from that help. In other words, it worked.

So I enjoyed this weekend more than any other (and that's saying something) because I could particpate openly and with confidence. When my sub conscious was a git yesterday, I didn't make it an "oh woe is me" moment. I didn't even regard it as me failing on the exercise - I just decided my sub con was a git!

Of course, today it proved that again. My sub con and me are going to have to have some serious words. A lot of the things we do involve visualisations. I think I've mentioned in a previous blog post, the best way to work with concepts like feelings is to first try and make a tangible representation of the them that you can alter in some way (read my "Think Inside of the Box" post). This is more so with healing than anything else. We are making use of the fact that the mind and body are one interconnected organism, so if you work with the mind then by default you are working with the body too.

One such exercise involves the therapist and client sharing their resources for this healing in a way that utilises a physical connection between the two of them, combined with a visualisation, to achieve a healing in some area. Usually this is done by clasping a hand together with the other person. The one receiving the healing then visualises, with guidance, how that physical connection may act as a conduit to help the healing flow into their body (if you don't believe in the strength of connection between the mind and the body you should probably skip this post!)

Believe it or not, I am perfectly fit and healthy. I really struggled to find something that I would like healing. But I am up for everything and given the brattish behaviour of my sub con yesterday, I figured I'd have another bash at the whole skin thing. Now I love visualisations. I am a very visual person and I find other peoples visualisations really interesting. But I just couldn't grasp it. As time went on, the skin thing wasn't working and I started getting a pain in my shoulder. My shoulder is fine. I have no complaints about my shoulder. Or should I say 'had'! We ended the exercise and I had a real pain in my shoulder. Not from the angle I was holding it at for the exercise either (before you say that). Very bizarre. It's ok because we learnt more techniques that helped me get over it (including one called Dr Angel Escudero that has been used many times for people to stay fully conscious during operations with the critical areas being anaesthetised by them - Google it, it's amazing!)

So either I do have a problem there and it was being brought to light, or, as I prefer to think, my sub con is a git!

Anyway, all in all a brilliant weekend, which has now expanded my toolkit even further to be able to help even more people improve their lives. Trevor was also on particularly good form, so not only did we all learn loads, but we had a right good laugh at the same time.

Apart from the practicalities of travel etc, I don't ever want this course to end. It is the best thing I've ever learnt in my life. So form an orderly queue, because as each month passes I am learning to do more and more so that pretty soon I will be able to have a bash at helping anyone with anything.

Weekend 4, day 1. My subconscious is a git

 So today was the first day of weekend 4 of my Cognitive Hypnotherapy course.  Time is going by so quickly. Only 6 more weekends to go. 

I swear each weekend gets better and better. 

This one was all about healing. Reading The Biology of Belief and The Molecules of Emotion had set me up nicely for the sort of things we have covered and will be covering. This is a dimension of Cog. Hyp. that I am very much fascinated by. I am really hoping to specialise in the pain relief aspect as I develop my skills. 

Trevor had also given me a heads up that this weekend would give me an deeper insight into the separation between our conscious and subconscious mind. Boy was he right ( of course). 

So we did this thing with a pendulum that goes on your finger. The theory is that you open a conversation with the subconscious and the responses, in the form of yes and no answers, can be seen in the motion of the pendulum caused by micro movements in your finger. These movements are governed by your subconscious. 

What you then do is ask a person's subconscious how they would move the pendulum for yes and how they would move it for no. Trust me when I say it totally freaks you out to see this thing moving when you are not consciously doing anything. It is one of the coolest things I've seen!

And it has shown me, in a clearer way than anything else, how our subconscious is driving many things in a different way to our conscious. To such a degree that we don't always have to feel such a responsibility for our behaviours and feelings because our subconscious is trying to protect us and making us do weird things in the process!

We then applied this new dialog with our subconscious to a technique for healing ourselves. We picked something we wanted healing ( I picked my spotty face ) and we then ask our subcon (with yes or no answers coming through on the pendulum)

• If it can heal it  - in my case it reckoned it could
  
• Then is it ok to do this - mine said no! The git! My subcon reckoned that although it could stop my bad skin, for whatever reason it wanted me to have it! Now I have no idea what it hopes to gain by this but I wish it would stop. 
  
• You then go on to ask it to do it and ask, in chunks of time, how long it will take - unfortunately we were so caught up in what to do when your subcon is a git (Trevor stepped in to help reason with it and we could have carried on) that we didn't carry on. So I remain with a spotty face and no idea what the hell my subcon is playing at!

We did the exercise in groups of 3 and it worked well all the way through on the other 2 in my group so it will be interesting to see the difference. Trevor also did a demo on someone from the class and her subcon reckoned she should see improvement by the end of the weekend. So we're all waiting on the output of that!

Meanwhile, I'd changed my hotel from the airport one to one in Watford so I could come up and see my friend.  But it appears her little boy developed Slap Cheek yesterday and although it's apparently not contagious one you have symptoms, it was daft to risk it. So I'm sat I a hotel in Watford on my own. 

So I'm going to have a bath, and early night, and then head to London early in the morning for what I expect to be a fab day 2 of my course. 

This is also the first chance I've had to properly process some of the stuff from my session with Trevor. I had a bit of a wobble earlier today so I defo need it! 

When good anchors go bad!

In this post I told you about what wonderful things anchors are.

In summary, building anchor is a technique where you attach a positive feeling/emotion to a trigger in such a away as you can recall it whenever you need it.

However, as an anchor can be attached to anything, something physical, a smell, a sound, a person it means that it is also possible to end up with an anchor without even realising it. This can be a positive anchor (a song that was playing at the time of year your child was born) or a negative anchor (a song that was playing when someone you loved very much died)

For example, ever had a smell that makes you feel bad but you don’t know why?

Or maybe there is someone who just by looking at them causes you to react positively or negatively?

There is a good chance you have an anchor for these without even realising it.

From my time working with Trevor, he has become an anchor for me. Seeing his face or reading an email from him, whatever the content, makes me feel calm. It’s very strange!

On the time of year thing, a lot of people who are embarking on their Thinking Slimmer journey are finding they have an anchor to the “diet urge” in the New Year which is causing much confusion! They know they can trust their subconscious to control their eating, but they feel they should be dieting, calorie counting etc. Sandra Roycroft-Davis, CEO of Thinking Slimmer wrote this to explain it

“I am going to give you a little background on how our minds work with regard to a term we use called 'anchors'. An anchor is a trigger that links to an action or emotional state, thereby producing that 'state' in you. This can happen when we hear a particular song and we are transported back to our first dance when we were married or first kiss etc! they are strongly linked to sight, sound, taste and touch. This time of year when we are bombarded with diets, they also bring back memories - strong ones. Even though the majority of people don't lose weight permanently on diets, they go back and do the same old thing over and over again, because it is an anchor and becomes a habit. But then it turns into a bad habit and something that makes people feel bad about themselves. This then batters self esteem and confidence”

If you have an anchor that you are not happy with here is what I suggest

1. Being aware of it is the first step to being able to cancel it out.
2. Once you are aware that you have an anchor, try and work out where it comes from. How did it get there?
3. Then try and identify the things that trigger that anchor and how it makes you feel. Where do you get that feeling? What is it?
4. The last step is the hardest, you need to reprogramme yourself to cancel out that anchor. There are a number of ways you can do this.
• If you have a positive anchor that you already know about (maybe you set one up after reading my previous post) fire it off.
• Alternatively, try thinking of an opposite, more positive memory. Press on a knuckle if you do this successfully. Repeat every time you need to.
• Or just think of a really good memory that has a similar sort of anchor. If, for example, it was the smell of mushrooms that you didn’t like, then you could try and imagine the smell of bananas that you did (this is over simplistic for the sake of illustration!)

So that’s just a little more information on anchors for you. Hopefully you can find a way to make good use of it in your day-to-day life.

How do you see the world?

The little one is really no good at jigsaws.

It pains me to say it. I love jigsaws. In fact, she loves jigsaws. But she just doesn’t get the concept of side/edge pieces. I find it really frustrating doing jigsaws with her and she loves it so much she asks to do them all the time!

It got me thinking. What is it that means some of us can do jigsaws and others can’t?

There are a number of different ways the NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) has suggested we like to interact with the world.

Visual

“This is how I see things”

In order to make sense of things we need to see them. Memories are triggered by images. For me, once something has formed a picture in my head, I understand it. I describe things visually. Everything turns into a picture in my head (you can imagine that whole “imagine people naked” technique for alleviating nerves in presentations just makes me blush!). As a visual person, when studying or doing exams I always found I did best when there were drawings and illustrations involved. To study effectively I had to write things down.

Auditory

“This is how it sounds to me”

This is where sounds are more significant. Memories are triggered by the music that was heard at the time etc. People who are auditory often like to talk a lot because hearing things allows them to make sense of them, even if you aren’t responding. To study, they find they can do best if they have the right music to listen to while studying. Recalling the song allows them to access their memory for the facts. My hubby is fairly auditory.

Kinaesthetic

“It feels like this…”

This is where the way things feel is the most significant. Memories are triggered by how someone felt or by the feeling of something. Kinaesthetics probably have a harder time of it than the other two because things need to be tangible for them to understand them. For studying, burning a scented candle and then having that scent on a hanky or something could work very well for helping them learn and remember.

Audio Digital (AD)

“I think it’s like this"…”

An AD has a constant internal dialogue going on in their head. They are never alone because they are always talking to themselves! Everything has to make sense for them to ‘get it’. I am very much an AD. Trevor suggests that AD is a learned rep system as a result of a childhood where you developed it as a technique to cope.

These are just the highlights. There is obviously a lot more to it. People may have one primary rep system and another coming in a close second. I am almost equally AD and Visual. Some may be well spread out. But most of us have a preferred one. It helps to understand what it is because it helps us communicate with each other more effectively and work within our strengths.

So back to the jigsaw.

As a Visual AD then it is fab for me. I have a puzzle and something I can see for the output.

For the hubby it just doesn’t fire him up. He would much prefer to work out the chords to a song on his guitar.

So what is the little one?

I doubt she’s visual. She shouldn’t have developed any AD-ness yet. She loves to cuddle but does that make her Kinaesthetic? Not sure. She chunters away to herself all the time, but does that make her auditory? Again, not sure.

Either way she really isn’t very good at jigsaws!

On a plane again..

This morning I had to fly to London again for another meeting.

The flight leaves at 8:20am from Dundee airport. The airport is only about 15 minutes from my house but I like to get there early and 'relax' while I wait for my plane, knowing that whatever happens, I am at least there and ready to fly.

It's a small airport with the only refreshments available once you get through security being vending machines.

"Morning, back again?" Says the guy on security. He was working on Friday night when I flew down for my course.

I settle in the departures area which is just a few seats. It's dark outside. It won't start getting light now until after 8am. I sit in silence but talk lots as I interact with the world on Twitter while I still can.

Once on the plane, everything electronic must be switched off and put away. I have my book "Molecules of Emotion" but I'm tired and I don't like to read when we take off.

I stare out of the window and enjoy the view of the river Tay and the hills as we take off. I watch the cars on the road and try and work out which roads they are. I get frustrated that I can't share my thoughts on the view with Twitter. No electronic equipment.

Soon we pass through the clouds. Now the seat belt signs are still on but there's nothing to look at so my thoughts turn inward as they so often do.

I process all that's happened in the last few days. I think about how I've felt and why I've felt that way. I consider the steps I have taken in this personal journey I'm on. How things felt before and after my different sessions with Trevor. I think of those breakthrough moments we've had.

My thoughts then turn to our next session and the things that we need to cover. A couple of big things that have bubbled to the surface as other stuff has cleared out of the way.

And I rest there a moment. As thoughts and memories take shape. Images that run as mini video clips emerge from a fog, sharpening as they emerge. They gain 3 dimensions and then associated emotions. Each new image brings with it another. Ready to come to the fore and be heeded.

I find myself sinking emotionally as they take hold. The judgement starts and along with it a nervous, scared feeling physically makes me start to shake. Masochistically I dig deeper, search out more associations. I judge. I find myself failing against my judgement. I'm crap. I deserve nothing good. Why do I bother keeping going?

I pick up my book and read a paragraph or two. The distraction doesn't work. The voice in my head is still talking. Judging. Berating.

Then I think "I'm better than this".
"No you're not" the voice replies.
"But I have things I've learnt now so I can deal with this myself?"
"Yeah but you can't make them work on yourself can you?" The voice replies.

I stare out of the window and watch another plane cross our path way above us. The jets of the engines leaving a trail behind.

I think through all I have learnt.

And I remember dropthrough. That I learnt this weekend and that worked on me.

"I'm gonna try it" I think.

I close my eyes.

What's the first emotion?
Fear
Ok drop through it to below. Now what would you call that?
Afraid

Hmm that's the same thing isn't it? I'm failing aren't I? But it's not. Afraid feels different than fear.

I keep going.

I find 'pathetic' again. Seems to appear a lot that one.

But very quickly I have passed through all the negative feelings. I'm in the holding space at the end of negative. I know if I keep going I'll get to the good feelings. I enjoy chilling for a moment. I rest on a cloud.

Then I keep going.
What's below that?
Happy.

I smile. I feel calm. I've done it.

I'm like a little puppy, I want to email Trevor and tell him I did it so he can pat me on the head and say well done! No electronic equipment. It's good. I pester him too much. I really should be able to do this stuff on my own now anyway.

So I write this post and share it with all of you.

People come to the Cognitive Hypnotherapy course at the Quest Institute for all sorts of different reason. Not all want to set up as therapists. A lot are on it to improve themselves.

Today, I understand how powerful it is for that.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Frustration at your boss

I have blogged about how brilliant this weekend was on my Cognitive Hypnotherapy course.

This was weekend 3 of 10 and we already have so many techniques in our toolkit that I am blown away by it all. I love the fact that as soon as we learn it we can use it.

So, given that every weekend so far has been great, what made this one so amazing?

Well I think the key thing for me was being able to fully participate for the first time since the course started.

For every key technique we learn, we get a chance to practice on each other. Sometimes in pairs, sometimes in 3’s. In this practice, one will become the client and the other the therapist and then we swap. Free therapy!

In all other techniques, I have had no problem being the therapist, but my own hang ups and blocks have been getting in the way of being the client. And to be honest it has been driving me mad. Not because of what I fail to get out of it, but for my poor partner. They are practicing something for the first time and for them, they don’t know it’s not failing because they are doing it wrong, but because I am a pain in the bum!

But this weekend, the first thing we learnt was a technique called drop through. This is a pretty cool approach that allows you to move from a negative emotion through to a positive one. I love it. It’s very effective AND you can teach someone to do it for themselves pretty easily so it gives your client something to take away that gives them control.

So I chose the frustration I feel with my boss. I think that maybe, because it was a current situation rather than something from my past, it was relatively safe. There was a bit of a wobbly moment when we dropped through to a negative emotion which I could only describe as pathetic, but we kept on going and got past it. I was so excited that it had worked – and so happy for my partner who I have done a few of these exercises with and the poor woman has had to suffer the effects of my failures!

Anyway so another positive is that I have now dealt with that intense feeling of frustration that I get when my boss doesn’t respect my skills and how I work. I am quite chilled about it. I also know, if that feeling starts to come back, I can quickly drop through it to the positive. I stuck in a quick anchor once we reached the positive feeling so I can recall it quickly.

Then on day 2 we did a technique called Meta Mirror where you look at a situation where you are struggling in any sort of relationship because of a lack of ‘meeting of minds’ for whatever the reason.

The point of this approach is to look at the relationship from a number of different perspectives, including your own, the other person and an objective outsider, by putting yourself in each of those roles.

Trevor did a demonstration which elicited spontaneous applause at the end because it was such an awesome display of the technique. He does the demo’s on the assistants who are there to support him during these breakout sessions and it is so nice to see the master at work.

When we went to practice it, once more I chose my relationship with my boss. And once more we managed to get it to work. Funnily enough, my partner also chose the same thing but her issues were different. Once more this brought it home how you must treat everyone as unique and individual because although you may feel you understand from your own experience – you can only understand your own reality. If you really want to help someone, you must work with their reality.

Anyway, so over the weekend we worked on two things to do with my boss. I am really expecting by the time I get to tomorrow’s team meeting I will be super-chilled about everything that goes on! Isn’t it brilliant that Cognitive Hypnotherapy contains so many techniques that can help you with really big things, through to relatively small things, all equally effectively?

The only negative of the whole weekend was when we practiced the relaxing induction. It was one that took us deeper than the other one we had learnt. It worked very well on my partner but not so well on me. I am scared of relaxing and letting go so I know I resist. I also know when it is starting to kick in because we reach what I can only describe as an emotional door where I want to cry or laugh. In this instance I got a fit of the giggles so badly that I got told off by someone else on the course. It was a fair cop. Giggling hysterically and trying to relax are mutually exclusive. But interestingly, I take this one more as a learning that as a bad thing. It helped me to realise that I am stopping myself relaxing because I am scared to. And I can work on that.

Another good thing about the weekend was that 2 of my fellow course attendees allowed me to do a timeline technique on them to help them with something they wanted to resolve. I am very flattered and truly delighted that they let me do this for them – and really hope that it worked as well as it seemed to.

I am doing this because I want to help. Whenever anyone tells me of a problem they have these days my first response is “I can help with that” because I know I can – and, more importantly, because I really want to. I have never felt the level of elation in my life before as I feel when I do something that fundamentally helps other people in their lives. In the last 3 months I have already helped loads of people I know in small ways and sometimes in fairly big ways.

The only catch is, when I am doing this as a full time career, I am going to be covered in bruises from bouncing off the ceiling so much!

Cog Hyp weekend 3 day 2

Well that's it. Weekend 3 is over and I must say that these have been 2 of the most amazing days I have had that I can remember - ever! Yep that good.

You know I was worried about the example video clip we were going to watch today? I didn't need to be. Thanks to Trevor's warning and a little nudge and support from the hubby (I have mentioned how brilliant he is haven't I?) I got myself to a place where I could view it as if the person was my client.

Because of this I actually felt that not only did I learn a lot from it, I also realised that I can do this and I can deal with clients, irrespective of their problem, without being sucked in and projecting my experiences onto them or using them to predict how they feel. It's not relevant how I feel - only how they feel.

What this weekend has shown me, categorically, is that this is my thing. All the crap I have been through in my life was so that I could meet Trevor, go on this course and spend the rest of my life improving the lives of others.

It is my thing. I get it. I can work with it. I can make a difference.

I am sitting in the airport getting ready for my flight and I'm on Cloud 9