The Moiderer

The Future

I must admit that I’ve been feeling a little lost lately.

I completed my Cognitive Hypnotherapy training and did a couple of extra courses to qualify as a Master Practitioner.

What this means is that I have no more training to look forward to. I love learning stuff – and learning stuff I can use totally fires me up. Cognitive Hypnotherapy has been brilliant for that. I need to be learning all the time and getting new stuff to try.

I am now continuing to develop my business with a view to being able to go full time by the end of 2014.

I have been totally loving seeing clients in my therapy room which is just the most lovely space I could have hoped for. I also love that I am able to reach out to people all over the world using my Therapy Beyond Geography model. As I gain more experience I am expanding that model to cover more and more issues and it’s giving me the opportunity to reach more people which I love.

The problem is, this stuff is working a little too well. Unlike many therapies I don’t see clients for months and months. A few sessions is usually enough to set them on their way to be everything they can be.

And that’s brilliant. But it’s also a very challenging business model! How do I continue to drive in enough business to support my family? It’s possible – it’s just not easy. And whilst doing a full time job is great to allow me the freedom to build my business, it also doesn’t allow me to fully dedicate myself to building my business. So I don’t have a pipeline of clients waiting to see me and I need that to have any hope of switching to this as a full time career.

My book needs some serious PR. If I get 1 download/sale per week right now it’s a good week! I published the article in the local paper and plan to do even more to get the message out there that “Nothing Needs to be the Way it’s Always Been” There are 21 amazingly positive reviews on Amazon of my book and I know from feedback it really helps people to know what is possible. But I am nobody and there is no reason for people to read my book which is a shame because I am really passionate about reaching as many people as possible. I want everyone to know that happiness is possible.

And so as I find my day job giving me less and less of what I need, and my future plans seem awfully far away due to the challenges of getting the business model to work, I find myself floating in a big empty space feeling like progress is at a halt.

On bad days all I can see is a dark narrowing tunnel ahead of me with no hope.

On good days my world is full of possibilities.

I am very excited about my latest idea to keep me moving forward. I plan on doing a Phd! It’s something I have always wanted to do and I hope to be able to pick a topic around my Cognitive Hypnotherapy work to do it on. I have made contact with a Psychology lecturer at Dundee University and will be having a coffee with him next week. I’m hoping to open up all sorts of avenues from that conversation.

I still have many things to develop including turning my latest training on life/business coaching into a model that fits nicely into my business. The nice thing about life coaching is that it’s easy to do it online. I have a few volunteers who I will be developing and finalising my approach on over the next couple of months.

Basically what I need to do is win enough on the lottery to quit the day job and focus solely on my therapy business! What do you reckon the chances of that happening are?

Confident Childbirth–stupid subcon!

These last couple of days I went on the Confident Childbirth course which is a Cognitive Hypnotherapy course that teaches mothers to prepare for a calm and controlled birth over a period of about 4 sessions.

I went on this course because of the pain management techniques in it. I wanted to add them to my current products to reach the most people possible.

I got this out of the course and so much more. In fact, I have pretty much decided that I will also become a Confident Childbirth Practioner and am looking how I can develop it to fit in with my Therapy Beyond Geography model – so watch this space!

But this blog is about me me me and I have been having a really difficult few weeks so I attended this course looking forward to getting involved in some learning which always lifts me.

I drove down and stayed on the outskirts of London in a Premier Inn. I had a long conference call on Thursday afternoon so I arrived at about 11:30pm and went straight to bed. I was up at 6am the next day and walked to the station. I got to Euston by about 7am and the course was an hour away and started at 9:30! So I hung around and had a coffee and a chat with the hubby and little one on Facetime.

The course is run in Jane’s house and I found my way there pretty easily.

The first exercise was teaching us how to teach self-hypnosis and so we first learnt to do it on ourselves. It involves finding a lovely comfortable, safe and even fun corner of your head that you can retreat to and allow other stuff to go on around you. I asked what happens if someone can’t find that space. Jane answered that in all the years she’d been in practice (which is quite a few) she’d never had that problem.

Reassured I settled in to the exercise.

As Jane talked us through the early stages where you focus on a spot with your eyes open and start drift off, I became aware of my heart rate increasing, my upper body starting to shake and a tear coming out of my eye. Soon everyone had their eyes closed and one person was even gently snoring. I was just trying to avoid total meltdown.

The good thing was that I was able to observe everything Jane did. The bad thing is that I am totally useless. Self-hypnosis is a really useful skill to have and I wanted to be able to use it when I next go to the dentist so that I can have work without injections. But my subconscious seems to be a no go zone. I was really disappointed in myself.

Of course, as the course was attended by other lovely Quest trained Cognitive Hypnotherapists they wanted to understand what was going on with me so if they had a client in the same situation they could help them. Unfortunately I couldn’t explain because I really don’t know why this is still happening. I had hoped I would be over this whole “being useless on exercises” thing by now – but clearly not. It left me shaken for the remainder of the afternoon but I still really enjoyed what we learnt.

The next day we did Glove Anaesthesia which is a numbing technique used in operations. You first use self-hypnosis (uh-oh) and then imagery and sensation adjustment to trigger a numbing of the hand. After that you’re hand is like it’s super powered because you can use it to zap the numbness to where you need it (in the case of birth the muscles around the uterus that manage the contractions).

So off we go again. I just breathe steadily using 7/11 instead of self-hypnosis. Visualisation is easy for me and I quickly have the image in my head. But then I can’t translate that into feeling. No matter what I do with my partner on the exercise, the sensation in my hand doesn’t change.

Fail.

We complete the day and I head off home for a long drive.

As I drive home I remember that I have, since I was a kid, taught myself to disassociate from my body. I taught myself not to be ticklish. I taught myself to ignore other sensations. So that’s why I struggle to evoke a sensation – I have basically trained myself to ignore sensations for years to the degree where I no longer do it consciously.

With pain, I don’t fully numb but there might be away I can adapt what I do to go the whole hog – I will have to play.

I also went over to Sandra’s to get some PR photos done for my book. Becca met me in London and we headed out together so we could go for an early birthday dinner while we were all together.

They did my hair and make up and I got all togged up in my black dress. Everyone says the photos look good. I hate them. I think I look huge and am disappointed because I thought I was lighter than that by now.

Anyway, eventually the torture was over and we headed out for a lovely Chinese meal.

I am so fed up of being me right now. I can’t seem to do anything just the normal way and am just really disappointed in myself.

I can really understand why so few people are going to come to my Birthday celebration on Saturday. After all, I don’t particularly want to be with me so why would anyone else?

Another course

Later today I will head to London for another course. This is the Confident Childbirth course – the Cognitive Hypnotherapy version of hypnobirthing.

As well as another string to my bow, it will also give me the opportunity to learn some of the disassociative pain management techniques that are really useful for people visiting the dentist or who have some sort of injury – where the visualisation approach I already have a download for doesn’t work well enough.

I’m really looking forward to it. I love to learn new stuff and when I’m learning stuff that will allow me to help people even more it’s perfect.

I’m also going to have a birthday meal with Sandra and Becca on Friday which should be great fun.

Only downside is I have a conference call all afternoon so I won’t be able to get on the road until that’s over. And I’m driving back on Saturday after the course. So I’m gonna be well knackered!

Luckily I have a day off on Monday to recover.

Want to see how my therapy room is doing?

I changed the plan slightly

I have a friend helping me with the interior but here are a few photos. It should be finished in 2 weeks

This is the main room. Window on the right and I’m stood in the exit corridor. We had a problem with the ordering of the windows so that has delayed the job. Low energy LED lights in the corners of the ceiling so as not to get into the clients eyes. The back ones can be switched off too.

View from by the window in the therapy room. Door in the middle is into the waiting room. One on the right is into the hall to the loo and on the left will have a door once they arrive. That will allow clients to exit the room without crossing over with anyone who may be in the waiting room

This is the waiting room with separate doors for the therapy room (right) and access to the bathroom (left)

This is the bathroom mid build. It is big enough for a wheelchair to get in (and the doors are all wide enough for wheelchair access)

The whole setup has underfloor heating and LED lights for low running costs (I hope!)

I am excited about getting it finished for my first client to try it out on the 20th October.

These are two paintings which I love which will be hung up in there. My friend is going to design around them.

Here is a little video to show you round the place.

If you want to learn about what I will do in there, check out my website www.thinkitchangeit.com

The truth about risk

Every since I started this personal journey I have realised that everything in my life led me to this point. To the point where I can use what has happened to me in the most positive way possible to help others.

I completed my Cognitive Hypnotherapy qualification and have thrown myself fully into trying to reach as many people as I possibly can to help them.

You might use the phrase “gung ho” to describe it.

It comes from an absolute belief that Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a brilliant approach for helping people turn their lives around effectively.

You could also use the term “bull in a china shop”

You see, sometimes, the best way to help someone is to ensure they get the proper help, recognising that it might not be you.

I am not a medical person. I can’t diagnose. I can’t cure.

I can just work with you and your head to help you.

Some people need the support of the medical profession. They need the right medication. The need to be protected from themselves or others need protecting from them.

Before I attended my course at the weekend I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

It was a risk assessment course run by a couple of Quest trained Cognitive Hypnotherapists.

It was a brilliant course. Really practical with some pretty difficult scenarios to work through in groups.

But it taught us how to assess our clients. How to work out whether I can really help or whether I could do more harm.

It’s still down to me. It’s down to how much I feel I can help but I feel way more equipped to make an assessment of the risk now.

I now feel better equipped to know what I don’t know!

Anxiety and Nerves - Pocket Panic Buster

In every day life most of us experience varying degrees of anxiety. Maybe we have an interview or a big presentation to do. Maybe we are meeting someone for the first time. Or maybe just getting out of the front door is enough to make us anxious.

The feeling of nervousness or anxiety is driven from our subconscious.

Believe it or not it is attempting to protect us.

Now you might wonder how getting nervous before an interview is protection. Or even how getting nervous about stepping out the front door is useful?

Think back to the stone age where we had to hunt.

If you came across a predator such as a sabre toothed tiger, then you didn’t have time to evaluate the best option, so run a brainstorming session on the best approach to take. You had to react and do it instantly.

So you had 3 choices

1. Fight – go for it! all out fight the beastie

2. Flight – leg it as fast as you can and hope you’re faster than your fellow hunters (let’s face it as long as you can outrun them you don’t need to worry as much about the sabre toothed tiger)

3. Freeze – don’t move, stay totally still and hope it doesn’t notice you

Each of these responses would be an instant choice based on circumstance but would require a physiological response to make possible.

An increase in heart rate, blood and adrenalin flowing through your system, breathing shorter, ready to give you a burst of physical super juice to allow you to survive.

Do those sound familiar?

What happens when you get really nervous? Do you think about it logically first or do you find that you notice the physical symptoms first?

In the absence of sabre toothed tigers in modern society, our subconscious is still trying to protect us by putting us into fight, flight or freeze mode when it perceives a threat.

There are a few simple things you can do to get yourself more in control. Watch this video to find out how

Recognising that YouTube is not that accessible when you really need it I have developed the Pocket Panic Buster!

 

This is a 4GB MP3 Player that is preloaded with the same techniques as you can see on the YouTube video. For a limited time it is only £10!

It also has the relaxation track on it.

You can click on the picture to get it or go to my website to read all about it or even just buy the MP3 download so you can have it on your phone or whatever device for immediate use.

It really is pocket sized.

It comes with a USB cable for charging and loading (you can put whatever you want on it although I don’t suggest heavy metal – it might shock you at the end of the relaxation track!). It also comes with headphones.

There are a few people evaluating it right now and I will link up their posts once they have written them so you can see feedback from people who’ve had the chance to really experience it.

Read Lisa’s review here

Read Lauren's review here

Read TheBoyandMe’s review here

I will be making a few minor changes to the section at the start on breathing to make it clearer and easier to follow thank to the feedback from Lauren and Lisa.

Good memories, bad memories

It's funny you know, how sorting out all those things in my head has allowed the fog to clear so that I can see the good times in my past as well as the bad. 

It has become like a photo album, where most of the horrible stuff is now just a series of black and white photos and the good stuff is in full colour. It has allowed me to recall moments with fondness instead of always looking back with pain. 

And now I am building happy memories with the little one. 

Tonight we went to the M&S cafe for dinner as we do once a week. She has been desperate to wear a 'schooliform' since she went back to school. Only the nursery kids can wear their own clothes but she doesn't care about that! So I bought her a bunch of white polo shirts for school and she loves that. 

So we went to the cafe with her in a white shirt. And had purple juice in a carton. Which she blew into.

It went everywhere. My response? "never mind". 

I will never shout at her for making a mess of her clothes. Children's feelings and memories are way more precious than their clothes. 

Where does that come from?

Bad memories. 

I used to get beaten for even the slightest stain on my clothes. I spent my life too terrified to do anything that might make a mess of them. When the inevitable did happen I remember spending ages in the school toilets scrubbing at my top or trousers to try and get rid of the stain. It never worked of course. It made it worse. And then there was that feeling of terror because at the end of school I would go home and face the consequences. 

So stains don't matter. Clothes can be washed and if that doesn't work we'll get new ones. My daughter's photo album will be filled with colourful pictures. 

Think it, Change it

What a difference a year makes eh?

Just over a year ago, at the start of June 2011, I hated myself.

I had spent my whole life in a permanent state of numbness to try and protect myself from feeling.

And yet, at every opportunity I tried to change things. Tried to find a way of making things better.

And then I found the way.

You know the story and the journey. It’s on this blog and in my ebook.

I discovered Cognitive Hypnotherapy.

As well as changing my personal sense of self I have also trained for a whole new career. A career where I can begin to help others in the same way I’ve been helped.

I couldn’t be more excited about my future right now.

I have developed an approach to therapy that allows me to reach as many people as I can. I call it “Therapy Beyond Geography” and it is already up and running with people benefiting from my downloads (available on the products tab) and numerous one to one sessions over Skype and Facetime (details on the Online Therapy tab). Technology is an enabler these days and not an inhibitor and I plan to make the best use of it to help people wherever in the world they are based.

In October I will turn 40 and I am planning on the biggest party I can manage. I want to celebrate where I am with all my friends around me.

A year ago this would have been inconceivable.

What a difference a year makes.

Think it, Change it–it’s about the journey

There’s a new blog post on Think it, Change it. Why don’t you go and check it out

The beginning

Firstly, apologies because this is typed on the iPad so is likely to have lots of typos!

Today I graduated as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist.

This is the end of an amazing 12 months where the person I am now has changed so fundamentally in that time that I no longer recognise myself. In fact, I have stopped assuming I know how I will react to even the smallest things anymore. Because nothing is the way it used to be.

And you know what's interesting? To many this change is not tangible, even though to me it is blatantly obvious.

For the last 10 months I have climbed on a plane at Dundee airport on a Friday. I have stayed at either the Premier Inn or the Travelodge close to London City airport where I've landed. On Saturday I have got up early and caught buses and trains to Regent's College where I have spent two days in learning heaven before travelling back late on Sunday night (practically switching the lights out in London City airport when I left) and arriving home late on a Sunday night ready for work on Monday.

Despite the weather, all flights bar one have gone like clockwork. Once my flight home got cancelled due to fog and I hired a car and drove home, arriving at 2:30am.

The hubby has struggled through every weekend on his own with the little one and despite some very tough times on his own, he has always supported me in doing this.

From the first weekend I struggled as we practiced on each other because I was still in the middle of my journey and there were many 'no-go' zones in my mind. On weekend two I had to leave the room mid-exercise and felt such a failure.

It has not been easy. But it has been brilliant.

From the very first weekend we were taught in such a practical way we could start helping people immediately if we chose to. I did. Every time I learnt something new I used it. It truly was a dream come true for me.

And at the same time, I continued my personal journey with Trevor.

I ran the London Marathon.

I published a book "Nothing needs to be the way it's always been"

I set up my company Think it, Change it so I could eventually practice full time as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist but initially just do evenings and weekends.

I developed products that people could buy off my website http://www.thinkitchangeit.com so people didn't have to come and see me to benefit from my help.

I made some amazing friends that I know will be friends for life.

I became part of something - a group of people that under Trevor's guidance are working to change the world for the better, one person at a time.

I found the reason for everything I have been through in my life. Without my experiences I wouldn't be able to help people as well as I can now. I learnt to forgive myself. I learnt to be grateful for things I never thought I would see as a positive.

I learnt and changed under the guidance and amazing example set out by the truly special man that is Trevor Silvester. I am honoured to have had this opportunity. Because in the next couple of years Trevor is going to publish a couple of books and his time will become even more precious and hard to get than it is now.

So today I graduated.

Today I stepped off the starting blocks into what is likely to be the most amazing and fulfilling chapter of my life. And I can't wait!

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